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You Don’t Have a Pulse if You Don’t Bet This Football Game

College football is back baby!

For the love of god you have to bet this FCS game. Not only that, you have to put down an irresponsible amount of money on this game. Get yourself financially vested to the point where you become emotionally vested in one of these no-name teams.

Personally, I’m rolling with Austin Peay tonight. The only thing I don’t like about them is their name. What the shit kind of spelling is “Peay??” I don’t have any real insight on making a pick, but I woke up this morning and Darren Rovell was sounding off about the wrong team being favored.

All I saw was “8-9 point mistake” and I jumped all over Austin Peay +4.5. This is a win-win situation for me. If I win? I get EA$Y MONEY. If I lose? I blame dickhead Darren Rovell.

I did later hear some bullshit about some COVIDs on the injury report tonight for Austin Peay. So keep that in mind when you’re pulling that money out of your 401k. 

And FWIW I am taking the UNDER as well. Guessing there will be a lot of meatheads taking the over bait tonight, but I would expect some absolutely atrocious offense. Flashback to last year’s opener when Felipe Franks was talking shit into the ESPN camera and then immediately ran out on the field to toss a juicy pick.

At the end of the day, I don’t care if I lose half my bank account tonight. I’m just glad football is back. Somewhere Nicole Auerbach and her friends are grouped together crying in a corner.

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