You know what will never catch on? Dressing up like a complete dickhead for a post game press conference. Despite nearly 10 years of relentless over-the-top effort, I still don’t walk around Baltimore seeing young adults and youths dressed up like 70 year old Sunday church-goers. Yet these guys are still goin hard in the paint to try and set the trend. By comparison, how long do you think it took the Macklemore haircut to catch on? From my recollection every fraternity brother had that thing within 3 months of the first time I heard the song thrift shop.
I had to go back and check the tape to try and determine which one of these nerds (lol so ironic!) started this brilliant attempt at fashion. From what I can tell it was Russ Westbrook sometime around 2010. He apparently raided your wife’s grandmother’s boyfriend’s closet and found that shit to dress up in. Y’know that guy in his 80s who is just kinda dating her grandma “for fun” at that age. You see him once a year around the holidays. “Good to see you’re still alive, Harold!”
And don’t even get me started on the “handbag.” Can you imagine these assholes asking their wives to pick them up a toiletries bag the next time she stops into Louis Vuitton? Actually I have one of those myself. I bring it with me when I travel out of town to stay with one of pals for the weekend. I don’t even bother unzipping it until Sunday morning when I brush my teeth in an attempt to sober up before my drive home.
Look, I get it. Sometimes we try to jump on something new early and it fizzles out before it even had a chance to catch fire. You swing and you miss. It happens. But you guys have been dressing like dickheads for 10 years at this point. No one is joining the movement. It’s the same 10 guys trying to push the boundaries to stand out from each other. “He wore a ten gallon hat? Hey Siri, is there such thing as a 20 gallon hat?” These guys are essentially pouring more and more gasoline into the ocean and wondering why it won’t burn. They have doubled and quadrupled down on the dickheadness and it’s just not taking. When Cam Newton has turned into the real life version of the Key and Peele hat video then I think it’s time move along.
PS – some of these outfits are so goddam stupid that at one point I saw a picture of Kawhi wearing ski goggles and thought to myself “nah that’s not dumb enough to make the cut.” After taking a second to process it I realized it was post championship champagne goggles. Still – he didn’t look nearly as bad as some of these guys who are paying top dollar for hi-vis construction vests.
