There is no sweeter sight on this earth than watching the tool that is Bryson Dechambeau MELT DOWN on a Sunday.
ICYMI – Bryson had the outright lead at the US Open with just 9 holes remaining. He then proceeded to rattle off an 8-over back nine performance.
Tough round! Snowman on #17 is laugh out loud worthy. Couldn’t have happened to a better guy tool.
Smash your drive.
— CHRIS TORELLO (@TorelloSports) June 20, 2021
Card an 8.
Bryson is all of us. #USOpen pic.twitter.com/qrWUv6haj5
I am going to enjoy the hell out of this blog. This is not my first time watching that clip of him, yet it always brings a huge smile to my face without fail. Let’s look at a couple more clips from the US Open meltdown.
Here’s Bryson counting his strokes after the 13th hole. #DeChambeau #USOpen pic.twitter.com/FmeCRBz4Uf
— Smitty Oom (@OomSmitty) June 20, 2021
We’ve all done it. @b_dechambeau @usopengolf pic.twitter.com/LCyHWYkCtM
— Chris (@GolfGuy77) June 20, 2021
Tough, touch scene. Hate to see it.
So after completing the worlds greatest golf collapse here is what the self-nicknamed “Scientist” had to say:
LOL.
Buddy your scorecard is public knowledge. You went off the rails. I did the same shit last week. I was blasting balls into the woods and blading chip shots. If I ever find myself saying “put me down for an 8” and then in the same breath say “I didn’t go off the rails on that one” then somebody shoot me. (Ok, don’t shoot me, but please advise me to get psychiatric help.)
I know one thing for sure. Guys who are ON the rails don’t do shit like this:
There are no lights on the driving range. It’s been dark for an hour. Here’s a video of Bryson DeChambeau hitting balls in the pitch black pic.twitter.com/HqrJxw1sX1
— Dylan Dethier (@dylan_dethier) June 18, 2021
Bryson is spiraling and he’s spiraling fast. It’s probably safe to say this has been a slow build up from the Bryson vs. Brooksy saga over the past couple years. Despite his best efforts to appear as though he is unbothered by Koepka, he is clearly very much bothered by Koepka.
Let’s recap the feud from the top. Starting in 2019 when Bryson managed to play golf at such a painfully slow pace that people actually noticed it. I feel like that should be reiterated. He was playing so slowly that people complained about the worlds slowest sport being played too slowly.
We can... pic.twitter.com/TOnRS4BXds
— Fantasy Golf Pod (@fantasygolfpod) August 10, 2019
anyone need a nap?
— Eric Patterson (@EPatGolf) August 9, 2019
here’s DeChambeau pacing off a 70-yard shot which took over 3 minutes to hit (couldn’t post the entire video it took so long) pic.twitter.com/7A3Azeftyu
Was standing on the putting green with Koepka's caddie earlier when an irritated Bryson DeChambeau walked up & told him to tell his boss to make any comment about slow play "to my face". Brooks arrived soon after, got the message & ambled over for a chat with the scientist.
— Eamon Lynch (@eamonlynch) August 11, 2019
Solid stuff right there. What’s not to like about a guy spending 120 seconds lining up a putt to then miss it by 4 feet? Or a guy pacing off 70 yards while everyone stands around waiting for him to swing?
After establishing himself as the biggest tool on the course (in case you couldn’t tell from the dumbass hat), Bryson continued to make a fool of himself during the next year.
An ant? A fucking ant? Him arguing with the rules official while wearing clown shoes is about as tool as it gets. I don’t know what it is about those shoes that’s so infuriating, but suddenly I don’t mind Rickie Fowler and Ian Poulter.
No matter how @BKoepka plays this weekend, we’ll always have this. pic.twitter.com/uxGKT9Xr2Y
— Skratch (@Skratch) July 31, 2020
Welp, it can’t get much worse than that, right? I mean what else could he possibly do…pretend he abstains from alcohol and exclusively drinks chocolate milk? Walk around the golf course drinking protein shakes mid-round?
“I’ll party, but I won’t drink. Not my style. I’ll drink all the chocolate milk there is though.” -@b_dechambeau celebrating his @usopengolf title pic.twitter.com/34I261aceW
— Jeff Eisenband (@JeffEisenband) September 21, 2020
Oh. Yeah I guess I should have known.
But lets get back to Brooks vs. Bryson. Here’s an oldie but goodie.
— Brooks Koepka (@BKoepka) July 7, 2020
Then of course we had the famous Brooks eye-roll interview.
BUT you may have missed the not-so-famous Bryson Dechambeau instagram response following the release of this Brooks interview. And I am here to tell you that it is hands down the best thing to ever come out of this feud. Buckle up!
I will put that video up against any video I have ever posted to this website. I think it is pound-for-pound the funniest 30 second clip I have ever seen. The intentional zoom in on the 100 LB label. The blasting loud EDM music. The motivational text overlays. The tool buddies pumping iron in the background of what looks like a garage. And that ATROCIOUS form. Show me a guy who claims to know whether Bryson is doing curls or shrugs in that video and I’ll show you a big fat liar.
But wait, there’s more!
Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady will be joining Phil Mickelson and Bryson DeChambeau for a 2v2 golf match on July 6th in Montana. TNT will carry “The Match” starting at 5:00pm EST. pic.twitter.com/5lPzBBbQfy
— NFL Update (@MySportsUpdate) May 26, 2021
Sorry bro @AaronRodgers12
— Brooks Koepka (@BKoepka) May 26, 2021
— Brooks Koepka (@BKoepka) May 26, 2021
That last twitter exchange between the two then led to a very interesting next few weeks on the golf course.
Every single person yelling “let’s go brooksy” at Bryson is being pointed out by both Bryson and his caddie and being escorted out of the Memorial tournament by police. If that’s not considered rent free then nothing is. @PFTCommenter
— Cooper Lindhardt (@CooperLindhardt) June 4, 2021
Capping off a long day with @MichelobULTRA! Thanks for all the support today. Also, we’ve got something for you… pic.twitter.com/kwtwXg3Kqb
— Brooks Koepka (@BKoepka) June 4, 2021
I’ll be the first to admit that promo videos like this are usually corny, but Brooks’ delivery here is A+. That smirk after the “Brooksy” is straight up contagious. Shoutout to Mich Ultra subtly but surely tossing the tool under the bus where he belongs. Solid promo all around.
And now for my last major gripe with Bryson…his nickname. “The Scientist.” I alluded to this earlier, but I’m pretty sure this guy nicknamed himself.
Apparently this narrative exists because Bryson was reportedly some sort of kid genius and majored in Physics in college. I wish I was kidding, but here’s a few of the many idiotic quotes I found while researching.
I guess it’s confirmed he received a degree in physics. While that is disappointing to me, I want to stress that earning a degree in something doesn’t mean you know shit about shit. Take it from me, I am an engineer.
Plus I found this below reddit comment that I am willing to put 100% of my faith into.
So there you have it. Guy blew through physics with C+ grades.
Nobody in their right mind would think that’s a cool story. That’s stupid as shit. The only thing dumber than copying a technical textbook by hand, is trying to claim that you learned the contents of said book while doing so. Maybe next time just buy the book. Or download the book illegally. Or photocopy the pages. This bullshit claim reeks of “hey please look at me.”
Everybody remembers that physics lesson from sophomore year where we learn that all of the professional golfers across the world are using incorrectly weighted clubs. Duh.
Also I love how he didn’t even google the mass and velocity relationship before spouting off. Momentum = mass * velocity, so they are linearly related by definition, dumbo.
He is officially full of shit. Looks like he admitted to this journalist that he got some Cs during his college studies. But more importantly – he’s describing what I assume to be wind as “laminar flow and air density.” I’m a dumbass myself, but I’ve never heard of anyone trying to assign a directional property to a density let alone laminar flow. That would be like me saying “the color red is moving a little downward.”
And now for the holy grail. To the instagram!
TOTW 25 checking in!! Tools of a feather flock together! FIRE BRO! #followforfollow
Credit to you if you can watch that clip without laughing. The man is swinging out of his goddam mind. It’s a strikingly similar video to one of our original TOTWs, the lacrosse player that would throw the ball as hard as he possibly could and make his students film him.
Remember these tools from your college lawn walking on nylon ropes? Yeah it all makes sense now.
Bryson is a con-artist virtual baseball card guy? Color me shocked! Where can I bid on this fake token? Please, just take my money!
I hate that photo so much.
I can only imagine this is the aftermath of some serious GARAGE GAINS. But it’s hilarious to think that he may have done that to himself from taking all of those ridiculous swings on the driving range. “I got some blisties.” -Andy Bernard
Wait does anyone actually doubt that this man used PEDs?
No seriously, are we actually going to pretend that this man didn’t use PEDs? This has got Barry Bonds transformation written all over it.
That’s all for this week, folks! Until next week…Tool on!