You are currently viewing Tool of the Week: Week 41

Tool of the Week: Week 41

Oh baby do we have a beauty at #41…

In case you live under a rock (or if you don’t follow ESPN or SportsCenter on instagram) then you probably didn’t see this video of some kid named Spencer Lee giving a viral post-victory wrestling interview. 

Sidenote – why do ESPN and Sportscenter always find their way to the very top of your social media feed and why do they constantly post the same goddam things? It’s like this kid proposing to his girlfriend, The Rock eating waffles, and then some random guy bouncing a ping pong ball off a bunch of pots and pans into a cup.

@TheRock’s cheat meals aren’t your average cheat meals 😳

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The Rock’s cheat meals are not the average cheat meals. 😂😱 @therock

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@TheRock’s cheat days are DIFFERENT. 🤯

Why do they do this shit? Why? Are they that desperate for likes that they are wringing every last click they possibly can out of it? “Hey we haven’t posted The Rock’s pancakes in over a month! Somebody get on that ASAP!”

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So anyway, in case you forgot why we’re here, here’s the interview of this Iowa hardo tool again. Fresh off his 125-pound National Championship.

The video that keeps on giving. Ok so first off, why does Spencer Lee look and sound REMARKABLY similar to Brian Deegan?

Secondly, is there anything more annoying than the guy that ‘doesn’t wanna make excuses’ about being hurt but also loves to tell you that he’s hurt? I met plenty of those guys in my elementary school gym class. I thought you were supposed to grow out of that phase by high school. 

“Yeah, it’s crazy that I hit that double into the gap being that I have a sprained ankle and all.” -annoying kid on your Little League baseball team

Thirdly, I love how badly he wanted to say “excuses are for pussies” before he restrained himself and awkwardly said “wusses.” Also how cringe was that “Whatever man.” And “F excuses.” 

For the record I think “fuck excuses” should go down as the undisputed dumbest slogan of all time.

“Hey man, turns out I have Stage 4 cancer.” *Pauses to compose himself* “I’d like to include you in my will.”

“Yeah? Well fuck excuses. Beat it you pussy wussy.”

F-EXC-black-front

Ok now fourthly, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I’m just going to come out and say it…

Bro, you didn’t tear your ACL 8 days before you wrestled for the national championship. Sorry, you just didn’t. Wait a minute…did he say ACLS?? Plural? So he has 2 torn ACLS. Ok well in that case let me dust off my 2 medical degrees.

As a guy who actually tore his ACL and knows what it felt like 8 days later, it would be physically impossible to wrestle in that condition. I’m not saying that you can’t compete without a functioning ACL. You can. You will have pretty good mobility for a short period after the initial pain subsides. And then I’m assuming you’d have pretty good mobility after you’ve had a few months to heal. But when you lay down for bed that night after tearing your ACL, you’ll quickly realize you are in for a world of hurt at sunrise.

Turns out if you tear a major ligament in half your body will respond to it (shocking I know). Swelling will occur at an injury site due to excessive white blood cell flow (cite webMD). I guarantee you that anyone and everyone who has ever torn their ACL will tell you that it swells to a point where you need crutches. It’s not optional. You need crutches. As a guy who couldn’t walk in the 2 weeks between injuring myself and getting surgery, I’m actually insulted that this dickhead is trying to claim he wrestled with his knee in that state.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that Spencer Lee is lying for attention. Just kidding, yes I am. And all I needed to prove my case is about 10 minutes and a search engine.

Exhibit A: The Goatee

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In your entire life have you ever walked away from a conversation with a guy that has a goatee like that and thought to yourself “that guy was a real straight shooter.”

I think a pre-requirement to having one of those things (I’m second-guessing myself on whether or not that’s called a goatee) is that you have to be completely full of shit and be a compulsive liar. I don’t even know what QAnon means, but if you believe in QAnon then you probably have one of these things on your chin.

Exhibit B: The Tape

I’m actually stunned at how easily I found that video. All I did was google his name and sure enough the full match was available for free on Youtube. Imagine if all sports worked like that? 

On the other hand, it probably makes sense how easy it was to find that video. That’s exactly why he spouted off that bullshit on live TV. The video has over 100k views and now I know who some kid named Spencer Lee is. If he doesn’t make up a claim about winning with a torn ACL I never hear the name “Spencer Lee.”

But anyways, I actually stopped watching the video around the 2:10 mark. I didn’t feel the need to waste any more of my time. After watching him wrestle for 30 seconds I could not tell which leg had the freshly severed ACL and which leg was missing the ACL. But it wouldn’t matter even if I knew. He’s bouncing around on both legs just fine. Neither knee has a brace nor looks swollen. And most importantly, check this out….

He hyperextends his left leg right here:

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And then within seconds of that happening, the ref makes these guys reset at the center of the mat and he gets his right leg forcefully pulled in a longitudinal direction:

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I couldn’t have scripted something funnier than that if I tried. Two completely unnatural strains on both of his knees within 30 seconds of the opening bell.

Now I know that I throw out a lot of hyperbole on these blogs. But guys. I am fucking telling you. If somebody did either of those things to me within my day 1 through 14 post-injury period I would have either vomited or passed out instantly from the pain. I still remember standing up in Biology class without my crutches and attempting to scoot 10′ across the room by putting all of my weight on the good leg and sliding my injured leg along. As I was doing it somebody saw me and told me to stop because it was disturbing them to watch.

And yet here’s this guy with 2 blown out knees breakdancing as one of the greatest wrestlers in the world tries to pin him to the ground (and can’t do it!).

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Exhibit C: Repeat Offender

I had noticed in one of the comments that some mouthbreather was spouting off about “HE’S A FREAK HE DID THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL TOO!” but I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

But after I googled the name “Spencer Lee” I saw exactly what the mouthbreather was alluding to.

So apparently in the last match of this kid’s high school career he also had a torn ACL and nearly fought off his opponent before he was beaten on a buzzer beater takedown.

“He’s been doing crazy damage to his knee during the last three weeks. BUT NO EXCUSES BABY.”

Looks like dad has been pumping idiotic ideas into this kid’s head since high school. Unfortunately I think that’s most likely how a lot of these tools develop their toolism. Growing up with insane parents. 

But anyway, let me be very clear about something. I do think it’s possible that you could maybe possibly wrestle on a torn ACL after a full month of rehab. Maybe. Obviously you’d have to regain your range of motion and I’m guessing that thing would flare up like crazy after every workout. And it’s probably more likely that it’s sprained or partially torn than a full tear. But I do think it’s possible he had an injury to his ACL in this high school match.

And I want to give this kid the benefit of the doubt. Obviously he is an incredible athlete and you don’t get to be a world-class wrestler by being a pussy wussy. So credit to this tool.

(Is it just me or does he look exactly like Josh Allen?)

Now all that being said, I want to take closer look at this other article I found from when he was in high school which talks about him battling through the first of his 19 knee injuries.

Just to be clear. He got looked at by not one, not two, but three doctors and all of them said there’s no issue. BUT once he went to the Pittsburgh Steelers doctor he was told that he had a torn ACL and that the other three “muscles” (not ligaments?) in his knee were “freakishly strong.”

Why do I have this strong feeling that if this tool kid and his tool dad walked into Dr. James Bradley’s office that the doc would stand up and say “who the hell are you guys? I’ve never seen you in my life.”

I actually think these guys should seek out a 5th doctor for one last opinion. But let’s make sure this last doctor specializes in treating hypochondria.

Exhibit D: Brainwashing

I hate to go here, but I keep finding more and more of these copy-and-paste quotes from this kid. I think that joke I made about his dad pumping idiotic ideas into his head is starting to look like a plausible theory. He is officially addicted to making excuses while also telling us he’s all about that ‘no excuses’ life. 

So that’s it for my investigation. I think you all know where I stand at this point. Let’s just say I’d be interested in taking a peak at those MRI’s and sending them over to my friend Ziggy for some independent medical analysis.

Wrapping up. Quick social media dive:

Looks like he’s not afraid to toss his mom around a lil bit. I’m not sure whether to love this move or hate this move. But notice how his pops steps in and is delighted to his son kicking the shit out of his wife. “That was nice!”

He’s a “Let’s go” guy? Shocker.

I was at this game. We obnoxiously screamed pro-Penn State and anti-Iowa shit directly into the back of the Iowa fans seated in front of us for 60 minutes straight and not once did they turn around to complain. A+ fans in Iowa City. 

Bengals Fans GIF from Football GIFs

All right. I think I’ve torn into this poor kid enough. A tool is a tool is a tool. But that being said I don’t feel great about picking on the 5’3″ 20 year old that could kick the living shit out of me.

But honestly……………….it’s whatever man. I’m not here to make excuses.

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