Long overdue. LONG OVERDUE. It’s Week 28 and that’s 27 weeks later than I should have featured the one and only, Mike Stud.
Before we get too deep here, I’ll just come out and say that Mike Stud is most likely the biggest tool I’ll ever feature. He’s the final boss level of the tools. If someone asked me to define what makes someone a tool, I’d hesitate while thinking for a few seconds before saying “do you know who Mike Stud is?”
This guy is the gold standard of what it means to be a TOOL.
If the goal of this post is to make myself cringe – I am currently crushing it with those first two photos. He kinda weirdly looks like Steve-O in the second pic if Steve-O fancied himself a D-1 basketball player.
I think I’ll continue to include another picture of Mike Stud being in love with himself in between every paragraph here.
I have done about 30 minutes of research more than I ever wanted to do about Mike Stud and I’ll do my best to summarize who he is as a person.
Mike Stud’s real name is Michael Seander and he is a 32 year old from Rhode Island. (Please keep in mind we are talking about a 32 year old grown man as we continue down this tool’s life journey). According to wikipedia, Mike’s dad was abusive and left the house when he was a teenager. Although that would explain quite a bit, I can’t find that statement corroborated anywhere else on the internet. So I’m leaning towards that being fake news…and you can do with that what you will.
LOL at that last photo. I suspect somebody may have watched the movie Zoolander one too many times and didn’t realize it was a comedy.
Back to his personal bio. Mike, by all accounts, was a hell of a baseball player. I’m not positive on how the timeline totally shakes out, but I know that Mike pitched for Duke in 2007 and had a great freshman season. He got injured after his sophomore season and it would seem that he was never quite the same.
Again, I’m not positive about the timeline of the injury because I don’t understand that dip from the historic 2007 season to the 2008 season. But regardless, this dude was a very good closer. During the season Mike spent recovering from surgery, he started a new venture – making rap music.
Against all odds, this white baseball punk from Duke proved to be great at making rap music. Even as a guy who is writing a blog detailing what a tool he is, I reluctantly admit I have heard several of his songs and think they are good. In fact, I just heard one the other week called ‘Rodman’ and my first thought was “dammit that sucks he made another good song.”
But that’s neither here nor there. His quality of music is not the subject of discussion. But his ability to be 32 years old and creep on teenage girls at his concerts is definitely within the subject of discussion here.
Imagine being a college dude at a Mike Stud concert? What are you doing? Watching a full blown adult parade around a stage in a tight fit t-shirt yelling out catchphrases like “YA NEVA KNOW!” I can only assume that’s his slogan because “ya neva know” when you could get hit with a statutory.
Aside from the two males in those concert photos, please also note the blonde girl in the last photo. That would be Josie Canseco, the daughter of Jose Canseco (appropriately named). Although they have since broken up, Mike must have dated her for a few years sometime near the end of her teens while he was turning 30. Because that’s not weird. It’s actually totally normal in accordance with the age old TOOL expression: “Half your age MINUS seven.”
The good news is Jose (not to be confused with Josie) took the dating news well.
Oh and one last note to add to my Mike Stud biography. At some point during the last year Mike Stud changed his name to mike. Or maybe it’s “Just Mike.” I don’t honestly know which one it is. But I think it uses lower case letters and includes the period symbol. So my final guess would be “mike.“
Rule #1 of taking that “next step” as a rapper is to change your name. Everyone knows that. Just ask The Kings Dead (aka The Deans List), Snoop Lion (aka Snoop Dogg), Game (aka The Game), or Shad Moss (aka Lil Bow Wow).
And added tip – always change your name to some generic shit like lowercase letters “mike.” It makes you extremely easy to find in Google’s search engine.
And now for the Heart and Soul of this blog. This is what brought Mike Stud to the dance floor this week. Check out this video I came across of my guy Johnny Manziel shooting the shit with our tool:
I’m so confused.
Cracked-out-looking Johnny Manziel fresh off zero hours of sleep sitting down to talk to also-cracked-out Mike Stud in a baseball uniform while profusely sweating and smoke clouds fill the room. LOL. A podcast called YA NEVA KNOW where Mike Stud pretends to be a psychiatrist and talks about “life n shit” with other delusional guests who have not grown out of their college years.
And 
BONUS ALERT – These two guys are starting their own podcast called “BALL DONT LIE.” Oh my god get the popcorn ready.
How did I not know this ‘Ya Neva Know’ podcast existed until right now? There is some absolute gold coming out of these interviews.
I actually had to regroup from laughing in order to start typing this sentence. Him in that stupid fucking jersey and holding that red cup announcing that his dad had this great nugget of wisdom, “the cream always rises to the top.” And then comparing it to “ball don’t lie.” That is so goddam stupid.
This one is much less funny to me. It’s just concerning. On several levels.
Guy dressed up as Aladdin: *repeats a bunch of nonsensical shit that he probably read in a YouTube comment*
Mike Stud: *holding a joint* “I love it.”
This seems like a good time to reiterate that this tool is 32 years old. Did you see how serious he got about that Kmart beer bong?
Dope story, bro. #YaNevaKnow
Oh god. That was like 200 words spoken and the end result was absolutely nothing insightful. This guy should consider writing horoscopes.
Group of dudes sitting in bed with each other (under the covers) and talking about Joe Rogan’s thoughts on circumcision when Mike Stud blurts out “God damn, he’s sharp.”
Also I thought Mike Stud was too old to be acting like this. Who’s the 50 year old doing the talking here???
For a second there I was nervous we weren’t going to get to any COVID insight from Mike Stud, but thank god he came through. “It’s all about the COMMERCE, bro. This is the best time in the world to be good at making cakes and making tables.”
Wait, what in the shit is this guy talking about?
“Touching soil.”
Ok that’s officially enough of the YA NEVA KNOW podcast. I’m glad the 50 year old was around for that flashing.
In usual TOTW format, I’ll take us out with a few gems from the social media.
— mike. (@justmike) December 26, 2020
It should have been plenty evident from the name change and smoky sit down with Johnny Manziel, but this tool is clearly going through a gigantic mid-life crisis. (Which is ironic because he has appointed himself as a self-help psychiatrist)
It all makes sense now. All of the obsession with smoking is in all likelihood self-medication for anxiety (which probably stems from from all of the other drugs he’s doing). He looks way skinnier and more strung out than he did in those photos from the old days. He’s getting new tattoos. His face is always shiny now and his hair always looks sweaty. This man is spiraling. Think Miley Cyrus of 5 years ago for comparison.
SO THEREFORE – I am officially starting the ‘Who’s in jail first?’ campaign featuring Mike Stud and Johnny Manziel. Manziel opens as a -200 favorite.
Who’s in jail first?
- Manziel -200
- Stud +130
- 50 year old +1000
- None of the above +500000
🤡
Fucking hilarious calling someone a tool when you’re writing BLOGS about another man. Pussy you’re the tool. This guy has a successful music career and is bigger than he’s ever been and you write BLOGS 😂 I can’t think of more of a tool thing than writing blogs about other men, you need to get a life. YOU are in fact the tool, remember that.
Holy shit you’re a cunt for doing this but you’re great. It’s somewhat bullying but there needs to be someone like yourself pulling away the mentally fragile from potentially taking advice from this guy. This guy is from a movie. He kinda reminds me of Nickelback metaphorically. Like combining all these fucked stereotypes and becoming an individual from it. Ps. I fuck with astrology, not horoscopes though. This guy is a ditzy, egotistical, fragile, social climbing, metro psychopathic scorpio. There’s a chance he will get into horoscoping. This guy is FRIED hahaha the joe rogan percentage bit was so fucked up. These basic narcs see everything in black & white
Easy nuts. Mike is in a higher place in life than you 😂.
I believe it’s baseball not basketball.