Back to my bread and butter this week. Just a good old fashioned bodybuilder TOOL! This guy’s work speaks for itself – so let’s get right into it. To the ‘gram!
BIG SLANK. I wonder what being an IFBB Pro Bodybuilder entails? When I was a freshman in college I joined one of those scam academic society things where you basically just send some money to them and then you can slap it on your resume for show. I feel like being an ‘IFBB Pro’ is probably a lot like that.
Vegas. In case you couldn’t tell where this guy resided from that profile picture with the mullet, orange tan, and bro party pool. Put 500 people in that pool and you are looking at my personal hell. I can already smell the piss and hear the terrible music pounding my eardrums.
I know this is one of those things that you aren’t allowed to joke about because it’s such a sensitive subject…but I think this guy is full of shit with that “
Veteran” stuff. My guess is he is the exact same amount of a veteran as Dan Bilzerian is. Does flunking high school and doing a 7 months stint with the marine corps really make you a veteran?
Lastly, if you’ve been following along you should be 0.00% surprised to see that this dude is a “coach” of some sort. It’s a TOTW principle that the best life coaches are people who look like cartoon characters. “Hi Johnny Bravo. I just sent over my $100 initiation fee, so let me know when the nutrition lessons begin!” – some poor sucker that signed up for Big Slank’s coaching services.
Let’s get to the pics.
I couldn’t help but notice this tool must attend some gym called Fit Club LV….I would LOVE to know how much a month he’s forking over to go to that. With a name like that and that mural on the wall that looks like Dwayne Johnson, I’d start the bidding at $200/month.
Let’s take a look:
WOW. What a gorgeous website. Of course I would expect nothing less than the Austin Powers vibe from this place. Personally if a gym doesn’t give off the “tools hittin on chicks” vibe, then I don’t want any part of it. I actually found an interview with the gym owner and he comes across as very down-to-earth. The type of guy I’d love to sit down and drink a beer with.
That was pretty much exactly what I expected. I’m sold. Let’s finish this sign up.
I don’t want to come in with some nerdy name like Melvin Jones and get denied at first glance. Need something hardo enough to raise a few eyebrows. Tank Wood it is.
Everybody knows this one. Jackie Robinson, Jackie Robinson, Kevin Durant, Jackie Robinson, Russell Westbrook, Donovan McNabb.
WHAT BRO? Did you seriously just ask me that? I’m insulted. Give me the option to write in a “6.”
Every good tool knows the answer to this one. “Yeah, I’m in consulting.” Just a complete vague bullshit statement that provides absolutely zero information as to what you do. “I advise my clients.”
JULY 4th MURICA HELL YEAH LETS CHEST BUMP.
Is this a serious question? We running a gym or a place for tools to try and hit on girls?……Oh wait…..yeah that question makes sense. This gym owner must be the adult version of the pledge that stands at the Sigma Chi front door on a Friday night and tells you to get lost. “Only 6 girls with you and 2 of them aren’t that attractive. Not tonight bro. Try those losers over at Delta Phi.”
Abso-fucking-lutely. For the sole purpose of critiquing your personal trainers routines and dietary recommendations, I am very interested in you assigning me a trainer. Just wait until I turn the tables on them when they find out I’m a life coach.
Thank god we’re in. Perfectly might I add.
However, I regret to inform the Garbageheads that by the time of publishing I had not received a phone call from that creep of a gym owner. But all in all, this seems EXACTLY like the type of place that Big Slank spends 75 hours of his week. Final guesstimate – $225/month with unlimited tanning and free backrubs from the owner (if you are a woman).
Ok I ignored it the first time but what in the world is he doing? “Just working the spine.” Anybody with a Kinease background wanna weigh in here and let this guy know that he’s wasting his time?
Credit where credit is due…that’s a SICK mullet. Looks good man.
As my good friend mattural likes to proclaim, “I’d like to wreck this guy in some pong.” And I’m not talking about ping pong.
“Send me $150 because I am having a hard time affording my rent on top of my gym membership.”
Does this guy enjoy taking pictures of himself with a fresh haircut, or does this guy enjoy taking pictures of himself with a fresh haircut?
Hate to say it brotha…..but you’re looking a little thin in the lettuce department. Work a little propecia into your daily steroid and chemical intake routine.
What do you know, it’s TOTW 14! Everything always comes full circle with these Tools. I guess birds of a feather really do flock together.
Example #9371 of these tools starting out as normal looking people and transforming into real-life Ric Flair wannabes. I didn’t even recognize him at first glance. Really makes you wonder what went wrong in this poor bastards life that he turned into such a tool.
Til next week, TOOL ON!
Trained with this guy for 10 days. Hated it, and the group. He’s High Intensity Training follower and to grow my arms he put 1 set of bicep work per week 😂 he’s a clown.. I found this post in attempt at finding a place to leave a poor review.
He lied about program pricing to get me on a call (he said he offers programs as low as $150 a month) but that $150 a month was really him telling we to take out a personal loan to train with him and pay it off over 12 months..
I worked him down to $150/month for 6 months. I was paying a coach to COACH ME, helping me learn. Nope, he wrote my program and I was lucky to get more than a sentence from him every week.
Save your money and your motivation. Take your business elsewhere