All right let me come right out and say it: This is a baseball soft-toss candidate from me this week. But I was up until 5am betting ponies in Hong Kong after losing nearly all of of my cfb bets (F-you SMU), so how much effort do you really want from me?
Your risk of dying of covid in England — and the United States — is about the same as your risk of dying from taking a bath. https://t.co/sowSfVJJyp
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) September 6, 2020
That’s right. On this Tool of the Week we are breaking down the king of all jackasses, Clay Travis. Or should I say “Clay, check out this made up corona stat, Travis.”
Darren, pro athletes are in more danger driving to the stadium than they are from coronavirus. They are in FAR more danger from the seasonal flu and I’m unaware of any game ever canceled for the flu in our lifetimes. All of your Tweets presume a danger that isn’t factual. https://t.co/SZ2lcMAzoq
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) July 27, 2020
During this COVID pandemic, I, perhaps like some of you, have been forced into a very uncomfortable position regarding Clay Travis. Let me try and explain…
If you have been following along, you know very well that the vast majority of sports journalists have lost their fucking minds. These people are so blinded by their political ideologies that they are indirectly campaigning for the suspension of football, despite the fact that their income revolves around covering football.
So instead of covering football, they have all become self-proclaimed epidemiologists that feel the need to share negative stories and inject their opinions on how “this is not a safe time for sports.”
So let me get this straight, mr or mrs journalist. You spent last year writing 400 articles on Patrick Mahomes throwing no-look passes and this year you think you’re going to give me your condescending opinion on the correlation between the viral load inside a locker room and the transmission rate of a BRAND NEW virus that the medical community knows nothing about?? If that’s not the definition of ‘losing your mind’ then I don’t know what is.
Let me provide a quick example that I think sums up our current state of affairs.
On the morning of September 3, some no-name Penn State football beat writer fired off this tweet.
Then on the evening of September 3, a verified ESPN reporter offered some “clarification” aka a complete 180 degree reverse.
You see the issue here? (HINT: I’ve circled it in red)
The study was bullshit, but the damage was done. I swear to god the very next day some guy at work asked me “if I heard about 1/3 of Penn State players hearts?” It’s not his fault. Nobody wants to share the story that says “Dr. Labcoat doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.” So the football writers did what the football writers do and they shared the shit out of this made up figure and offered up their well thought-out, measured, expert opinions.
So I don’t know what your guys take is on COVID at this point. We are probably on week #30 of “flattening this curve.” Most people are probably like me and are just exhausted by the constant coverage. But I generally fall into the camp that lies somewhere between *trying to cancel everything/put everyone out of work* AND *”No where in the Constitution does it say I have to wear mask, you commies!”*
But the part in sports that I have been struggling with is that people who I thought were idiots such as Danny Kanell and Clay Travis are the only guys willing to exercise common sense.
Know a lot of college football writers have been accused of rooting against the season. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case but some absolutely want to be able to say “I told you so” because they’ve been peddling only the absolute worst headlines
— Danny Kanell (@dannykanell) August 8, 2020
Sadly might cost the season
I’m not suggesting you watch more than the first 2 minutes of that Clay Travis video. The guy is one arrogant son of a bitch. But like it or not, he’s summing up the football situation pretty well. He seems to be quite literally the only guy in sports media fighting for the continuation of football. Which, again, sucks because he’s a complete jackass tool.
OK – Got that out of the way. I’ve given Clay Travis the credit I needed to give him. He’s the only major “journalist” that is trying to let players/coaches decide for themselves whether they want to play (FYI nobody’s forcing anyone to play in the NCAA at gunpoint despite what Jay Bilas will tell you). But Clay Travis has a solid track record of being a tool. Let’s dive into some of his notable moments.
WATCH: Fox Sports' @ClayTravis tells @BrookeBCNN the two things he cares about are "the first amendment and boobs.."
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 15, 2017
via @ShaianNavaei pic.twitter.com/0mLHz5m6A2
Can you watch that video with a straight face? I couldn’t. And Clay Travis sure as hell couldn’t. When his voice cracks and he tries to keep his composure after the first “boobs” reference I burst out laughing. The reaction of all three people involved is priceless. And then after she makes him confirm what he said and he AGAIN tries to steer back on course while he’s fighting the urge to laugh….that’s pure gold.
“Those are the only two things I believe in ABSOLUTELY in this country.”
In all seriousness, the idea that a GROWN MAN goes on CNN and makes a “boobs” joke is so fucking stupid. When I was in 7th grade my buddy asked me for help in math class by handing me his calculator to take a look at what he was doing incorrectly. I took it from him and OF COURSE it said “(.)(.) 1300135” on it. I remember thinking at the time, “these boobs jokes aren’t that funny anymore.” I was probably 12 years old. So I guess Clay Travis is that kid from 7th grade who is now 40 years old. He clearly had a gameplan to make this video go viral and guess what – he succeeded. All time tool move.
During my research I noticed that Clay seems to have a go-to move of calling people “pussies.” It’s frequent enough that it caught my attention. He also constantly uses the acronym “DBAP” which I quickly deduced meant “don’t be a pussy.” It’s like his catchphrase or something.
You’re too much of a pussy to be allowed to follow me, Peter. Bye.
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) March 30, 2019
This is a pussy Tweet, bud. If you’ve ever been to an SEC game you’d realize availability of alcohol isn’t the issue. If anything this probably discourages binge drinking.
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) May 31, 2019
Pussy. pic.twitter.com/2zx2bw6F1M
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) June 28, 2017
This is the Tweet a pussy would send Sean, #dbap.
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) June 13, 2018
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) July 14, 2018
In case you weren’t aware, Clay runs the sports site, Outkick, which I think is a fox sports affiliate. Here is his little ‘about me’ blurb on the website.
We’ve already discussed how stupid the “author” thing is. Every good bullshitter needs to have a book or 7 under their belt. And believe it or not this guy (the same guy who said boobs on tv) is in fact a lawyer with a degree from Vanderbilt University.
Also found on the Outkick website is some merchandise:
Can you imagine rocking that shirt in public?? I think that’s somehow douchier than a Barstool Saturdays are for the Boys shirt. Does it come with that wannabe surfer bro rope necklace?
Just to revisit that lawyer thing again…the reason I know it’s true is because I came across a story of Clay working as a lawyer in the US Virgin Islands back in 2004. I have no idea why he was working there, but nonetheless, he managed to attract some national media attention for the least funny act of all time. I’ll try and sum up this cringeworthy story the best I can – Clay went on a “pudding strike” against NFL Sunday Ticket. Check it out…
Just one glance at that article cover and you can tell this is going to be painfully unfunny.
For the last 27 days the Vanderbilt Law School graduate has eaten nothing but pudding. It’s a pigskin protest. He wants to watch Titans games on television, but they aren’t shown in his current home, the U.S. Virgin Islands. He said he’s going to eat nothing but pudding until that changes.
So he’s eating “nothing but pudding.” Can anyone with a medical or dietician background please refute that for me? I’m pretty confident that there is a 0.00% chance that he ate nothing but pudding for a month.
The article goes on to explain that Clay and his wife travelled around to every Virgin Islands bar in hopes of watching the NFL games and he was told by every single one that NFL Sunday Ticket wasn’t available there. I’m pretty indifferent about learning that news and I’d go as far to say that it’s not shocking to me. However, Clay must have been pretty taken aback by this.
Calling that “really absurd,” Travis decided to launch an equally absurd strike until the islands could access DirecTV.
“There was a guy who had done a 12-day hunger strike in the Virgin Islands, because the Virgin Islands residents were not able to vote in U.S. elections,” Travis said. “I started thinking, ‘Clearly there is no way I could do a hunger strike for two weeks. What could I eat that could be attention-grabbing and funny?’
“The word itself, pudding, is hard to say with a straight face.”
Is it just me or is comparing not having the Titans on TV to not being able to vote a little bit insensitive? Also I promise that I can say the word pudding with a straight face. Then again, I didn’t think the calculator “boobs” thing was very funny when I was 12 so maybe I’m just a partypooper.
Yet it turns out Travis may be able to get DirecTV after all.
Bob Marsocci, senior director of public relations for DirecTV, told The Tennessean that U.S. Virgin Islands residents can purchase DirecTV, including NFL Sunday Ticket, through the company’s Latin American services. Purchasers have to install the equipment themselves, however, because the company doesn’t have a representative in the Virgin Islands.
Hoping to get details, Travis said he left voicemails with Marsocci but his calls were not returned. That led Travis to claim on his website that DirecTV is “dodging” him.
This is probably the only “funny” part of the entire article. This idiot could have had DirecTV and Sunday Ticket all along. He would simply need a ladder and a screwdriver to install a dish on his house. However, instead of doing that, he decided to do that thing where you reach out to someone who doesn’t have time to deal with you and then you insist they are afraid to answer you. Kinda like all of the idiots that reply tweet to President Troll, I mean Trump.
What does his wife think of the strike?
“This is probably the craziest thing he has ever done,” Lara said. “It doesn’t affect me all that much, though most of my conversations revolve around the pudding strike and what other people are saying about the pudding strike.”
“Craziest thing he has ever done.” What a wilcard! So edgy! Also I never would have guessed that the pudding strike guy is so self involved that all he wants to talk about is his pudding strike. Shocking…
It’s pretty standard practice for me to take a peak at the instagram account for every one of these tools that I feature on here. So idk how much good stuff I’m going to find on the IG of a 40 year old dad, but I’ll give it a whirl. I’m sure I can dig up a few tool violations…
Pretty solid bio. Really sticking to his guns on the ‘first amendment and boobs thing!’ It’s like a joke that missed the mark so badly that he thinks if he keeps making it, it will somehow become funny (cc Dan Orlovsky who lives to joke about the time he stepped out of the back of the endzone).
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 *catches breath from laughing so hard* 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ok back to the DBAP guy.
“Yes I play QB in underwear.” Sick brag, bro. Also great ball – put a spiral up in the air and let the receiver run under it.
Another sick brag! This time it’s the “solo” Vegas hotel room. Damn, just the other day I was thinking to myself – “I wonder how nice Clay Travis’ hotel room is this weekend?” He’s got the wet bar, big tv, drums, and check out that terrific back deck view that would look great if there weren’t a shit ton of trees in the way.
LOL. Something about that pic cracks me up. I think it’s probably the fact that it looks like it belongs in a 9th grade Health Class textbook. Like one of those staged photos found in the chapter on “Exercise.”
Hold the phone. Did he just call Penn State’s atmosphere awesome? Fine, I take everything back. I kinda like this Clay Travis guy after all.
PS – Finding this little nugget of a tweet by some Bama burner account made all of my research to write this blog WELL WORTH IT.
@DanWolken is in the fetal position tonight, holding his TP and Lysol wipes tightly. With his mask on of course.
— BamaFan4Life (@BamaFan4Life41) August 30, 2020
