After an unexpected bye week in Week 21, we are back for Championship weekend. Turns out working in healthcare during the height of a pandemic with friends in town to ski while caring for a puppy was the magic combination for preventing me from being able to write the $ix Rack. While even a honeymoon in Hawaii couldn’t do it, evidently that trio seems to be the limiting factor. Good to know for the future. It turns out going double $ix Rack and picking 12 games back in Week 5 or so ended up evening things out.
Regardless, let’s hope that no one jumped ship and decided to fade me last weekend, because what a weekend it was. Though the editor refers to it as “as close as you can get,” the first perfect week* was obtained in Six Rack history last weekend: FIVE wins, one tie, and ZERO losses. And what a time to get hot because it’s obviously crunch time with only two weeks remaining. There’s still time for us to dig ourselves out of a bit of a hole from our (now defunct) 1:1 parlays and Longshot Moneylines.
We’ll get to the perfect weekend* here shortly but first let’s recap and grade our six playoff predictions which have all concluded at this point in time.
A six rack of NFL playoff predictions (sure to go wrong) including a futures Super Bowl matchup:
1. Tom Brady has a shitty game and the Bucs don’t even make the NFC Championship game.
Grade: B+
From Week 1, I didn’t like the Bucs to be a serious contender and we were spot on with them not making the Championship round. Meanwhile, “shitty” is a bit of a stretch (particularly after watching J.P. Losman, E.J. Manuel, Jeff Tuel, Nate Pederman, Thad Lewis, Brian Brohm, etc. start games), but in Tom Brady terms, it is feasible to consider him describing his performance as a synonym of “shitty.” The final numbers: 30/54 329 1 TD 1 INT with a QBR of 14.0 and passer rating of 72.2. This was his lowest QBR of the year (yes, I also hate this metric) and his third lowest passer rating of the year behind the Saints shutout and just behind his return to Foxboro.
2. After failing to make the playoffs for 31 years, the Bengals make the AFC Championship game.
Grade: A+
Nailed this one too. Fortunately, I had no prop bet on this, just bragging rights. So here is me bragging.
3. A piss poor offensive performance by the Bills is preceded by the Dolphins hiring Brian Daboll as their next head coach.
Grade: D+
Seven points in the first 29 minutes of the first half had me thinking I nailed this one but after the offensive explosion in the second half, it is hard to fault Daboll whatsoever. Best of luck to this man next year in what sounds likely to be NYC instead of Miami. Hopefully he didn’t throw out his warm clothing after reading my last $ix Rack.
4. Big Ben leaves Steelers-Chiefs game with an injury and does not completely rule out a return next season in his post-game interview.
Grade: C-
Despite today’s retirement news, this is still a passing grade. The same man that was crying after his last game in Pittsburgh and walked out of the stadium to a “Thank You, Ben” video on the jumbotron, purposefully avoided discussing retirement in his post game press conference following the loss. He then waited ten full days to officially post a retirement video. Barring the video editor taking ten full days to edit this, I am sorry but I am not on board with this whatsoever. And the only thing possibly worse than leaving the game in a walking boot as anticipated is putting up garbage numbers during garbage time. In this case, that meant 45 passes for 200 yards total facing the Chiefs backups for over ½ the game. Yet somehow in Big Ben’s twisted mind, why do I feel like he was waiting for someone in the press conference to ask him if he HAD to come back now after that performance? I’m begging you all to please please please not sleep on this sociopath being a part of some rumors in the fall after an injury or poor Steelers QB play.
5. JJ Watt fires off some douchey cryptic tweet prior to returning to action this weekend against the Rams and then totals 2 tackles and 1 QB hurry the entire game.
Grade: A-
— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) January 16, 2022
J.J.’s official numbers: 1 solo tackle, 2 assists, 1 QB hit, 0 sacks. The only reason this gets an A- is because although somewhat cryptic, his pre-game tweet was just not up to the douchey code J.J. has established, so we’ll knock a few points off. Figured we’d get some sort of corny winky face or some humble brag but just the tweet of him flexing isn’t basic bitch enough from Justin James for this prediction to warrant an A.
6. The Chiefs and Packers meet in the Super Bowl, I bitch about how disappointing that is, then bet too much on the team that loses.
Grade: A-
This doesn’t get an “F” because the Chiefs look destined to make it back. (Note: Per $ix Rack protocols, I will not comment about my team’s heartbreaking losses but what I will say is that, no, I will never ever ever recover from that if you were curious.) And I told you verbatim I was falling in love with the 49ers, so the fact that I couldn’t be right about both of these things genuinely isn’t fair.
FINAL REPORT
C’s get degrees, people. We’re moving on to 20th grade. Now for last week’s results:
WEEK 20 RE$ULTS (the perfect week*)
1. Bengals -4.5 (vs. Raiders) ✅
This felt like the Bengals were going to win by more, but they seemed to take their foot off the gas a bit. Most importantly, they were still able to cover this unfairly small spread.
2. Bills Team Total OVER 23.5 (vs. Patriots) ✅
We hit this on the first play following the two-minute warning in the second quarter. That’s just some good stuff. Just a good old fashioned ass beating and never a doubt.
3. Bucs vs Eagles OVER 46 – 😑 PUSH 😑
This game pushing had to overcome more obstacles than Earnest Shackleton navigating his crewmates to safety following his ship crashing in Antarctica. I probably didn’t deserve this pushing, but I got it anyways. And the fact that the Bucs didn’t kick a field goal to go up three scores with a minute left will forever spark debate between the editor and I.
4. 49ers +3 (vs Cowboys) ✅
And you thought I was kidding about the backwards hat thing.
5. Rams -3.5 (vs. Cardinals) ✅
6. Cardinals team total UNDER 23 ✅
My god, it feels so good to be right. Almost flipped this prior to submission but was too lazy to do so. Always work smarter, not harder, people. And let’s never forget this picture of Kliff Kingsbury where it looks like some random grown man dressed as a football player.
Travman Teaser:
- Bengals -9.5 (+160) ❌
- Bengals -13.5 (+250) ❌
- Bills -6.5 (+125) ✅
- 49ers -2.5 (+165) ✅
Total: +0.9 Units
Wow, another weekend where we not only “saved” $30 but actually made an additional unit.
As for Week 22…
I once heard this quote from a football player: “Special players make special plays on special days.” (Note: I think maybe Tory Holt or Randy Moss said this but a google search listed it as a movie quote and YouTube led me to a Special Olympics basketball game.) This week, I’d like to make a new proclamation:
With that being said, let’s get to our championship week picks and prop bets! For fun, I even threw in some score predictions.
WEEK 22 WINNERS$:
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: CHIEFS VS BENGALS
1. Chiefs -7
Pencil me in with the 99% of people on earth who are on this line. Kermit and Co. appear unstoppable.
2. Chiefs Team Total OVER 31.5
Besides Week 18, the Chiefs have scored 31+ in every game but one. They scored 42 points the past two weeks. Barring a notable injury, I just don’t see the Chiefs scoring less than 32 points on the Bengals again.
3. Chiefs 1st half Team Total OVER 16.5
Man this is really going to suck when Pat Mahomes gets hurt.
Prediction: Chiefs 38 Bengals 20
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: RAMS VS 49ERS
4. 49ers +4
Less than a month ago, we discussed Kyle Shanahan’s recent domination of Sean
McVay. It does seem hard to believe that the 49ers could beat the Rams three times in one season, but I can’t pass up the team who won the first two matchups getting 4 points. Let’s get really stupid here, and I’ll go out on a limb and say Rams win by 1 point.
5. UNDER 45.5
Two offensive masterminds find themselves struggling against two stout defenses. The 49ers (and their opponents) have hit the under in 6 of their past 7 matchups. The Rams have alternated over/unders since their first matchup with San Fran on November 15th. And last week…they hit the over.
6. Deebo Samuel OVER 39.5 rushing yards
The man has 10 carries in both playoff games so far. He averages 6+ yards per carry this season. And I keep telling myself there is no reason he can’t rip off 40+ yards on one carry.
Prediction: Rams 21 49ers 20
Travman Teaser:
- 49ers ML +155 (Too much value to pass up here.)
- Chiefs -9.5 +115 (Way too ea$y.)
- Chiefs -13.5 +180 (Not as ea$y but still ea$y).
Let’s hope we keep things rolling. Good luck in Week 20!
Best of luck in Week 22. Take it away, Taylor.