With another 3-3 week, it’s free entertainment here at the $ix Rack.
Given this is a holiday week, we’ll jump right into things. Per usual, let’s start with last week’s action.
WEEK 12 RE$ULTS
1. Oregon State +3.5 (vs. Arizona State)
🚨 WINNER 🚨
We left it to Beaver.
2. Michigan vs Maryland UNDER 57
LOSER
I feel like I should face some sort of penalty for betting an under and one team covers it themselves. I used this gif last week to portray the thought of these teams scoring 58 points, but this week we’ll use it to portray the thought of me thinking these teams wouldn’t score 58 points.
3. Utah -3 (vs. Oregon)
🚨 WINNER 🚨
This was an ass beating. Let’s just say someone was seeing the field well and someone was throwing into triple coverage.
4. Tampa Bay -10.5 (vs. New York Giants)
🚨WINNER🚨
Never a doubt.
5. Los Angeles Chargers -5 (vs Pittsburgh)
LOSER
The Chargers 14-point 4th quarter lead vanished in the blink of an eye. And then we managed to lose by 1 point. Coach T, remind me who does this to me for “fun” every week.
6. Michigan State +19.5 (vs. OSU) [College Gameday Pick]
LOSER
Throwing my Sparty gear in the trash. That was pathetic. Here’s to hoping they play like that again this weekend.
Week 12 So Stupid It Doesn’t Make Any Sense Longshot Moneylines:
Syracuse +390 (vs. NC State)
LOSER
Northwestern +390 (vs. Purdue)
LOSER
Maryland +490 (vs. Michigan)
LOSER
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Week 12 1:1 Parlay (-101)
- Alabama -1400 (vs. Arkansas) ✅
- Miami -180 (vs. NY Jets) ✅
- Tampa Bay -550 (vs. NY Giants) ✅
🚨 WINNER 🚨
Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
WEEK 13 WINNER$:
1. Ole Miss vs. Miss State OVER 62
Mississippi has failed to hit the over in SIX straight games. But this weekend is the Egg Bowl. Think this turns into a barn burner and both teams bust into the 30s.
2. UMass New Mexico State UNDER 59
I don’t know which one of these shitty teams is cracking 30.
3. UVA -7 (vs. Virginia Tech)
Lefty ginger in a rivalry game at home vs a team with a head coach that looks like my 8th grade football coach. Not sure how Virginia doesn’t curb stomp the Hokies. UVA 7-4 ATS and Va Tech 4-7 ATS this season.
(Note: Someone convince me this isn’t Sean Clifford dressed up for Halloween.)
4. Eagles OVER 24.5
Eagles O is on a roll averaging 34.5 in their past 4 games. This week, they’re facing a rather pedestrian Giants defense. Jamestown New York’s second finest has Philly cooking.
5. Tampa Bay -3
The Colts are frauds.
6. Chargers -2.5 (vs. Broncos)
The Chargers are at least a TD better than the Broncos right now. This isn’t debatable. Someone start the official Vic Fangio countdown by the way.
Week 13 So Stupid It Doesn’t Make Any Sense Longshot Moneylines:
Charlotte +300 (vs. ODU)
Hawaii +320 (vs. Wyoming)
FIU +350 (vs. Southern Miss)
I kind of like the Syracuse one, so that will definitely lose. The other two make no sense whatsoever, so they probably stand a realistic chance. Maybe Purdue doesn’t care unless it’s a Top 5 team, and maybe Michigan gets caught (post-big win) looking ahead to their matchup with OSU? Sure, let’s go with that.
Week 13 1:1 Parlay (-105)
- Penn State -105 (vs. Michigan State)
This is basically even odds on the Dolphins beating a Joe Flacco-led Jets team. I don’t know what more we could ask for here.
Enjoy Week 12 perverts!
Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy Week 13!