Pin this one to your life advice column. If you or your loved ones ever consider getting a dog you will want to revisit this blog before you mail the check. I am going to spell out the honest to god truth as to what it actually costs to buy a puppy from the moment you think about buying a puppy. *Spoiler alert* there is a lot of other shit besides the cost of the dog. *Double spoiler* I didn’t think about all the other shit but I’m definitely not bitter about it.
Ok so you want a dog. If you are one of the good-hearted people that choose to adopt a rescue dog then the entirety of this sob story of a list doesn’t really apply to you. I’m sure you can cut some corners on training. This feels like a good opportunity to share Bill Burr discussing the holier-than-thou crew who rescues dogs for free.
Feel free to light me up in the comments below and tell me what a terrible person I am for buying a puppy instead of adopting a dog. But let’s skip past that and assume you are a satan-worshipper like myself and you have the nerve of wanting to raise your own desired breed that isn’t a pitbull mix.
Get to the point. Where’s the list of shit. Ok here’s a list of costs for the stuff you need before the dog even shows up.
- Crate ($50)
- A second crate for your bedroom unless you want to F around carry the first crate back and forth which I don’t ($50)
- Dog bed ($50)
- Second dog bed for that same reason as the crate ($50)
- Dog blanket ($20)
- Collar ($20)
- Dog tags with your contact info ($15)
- Walking harness ($20)
- Another bullshit harness to buckle it in during car rides that probably consists of the same build quality of the first harness ($100)
- Leash ($15)
- Another leash with your favorite football team on it ($25)
- Poop bags ($10)
- Poop bag holder ($5)
- Bandana ($10)
Doesn’t this list seem like it should be almost over?
- Dog food ($50)
- Dog food bowls ($20)
- Dog food bowls holder ($20)
- Dog treats ($10)
- Dog toys ($150 if you want to skimp on toys and kongs and stuff to play fetch with then you should own a cat not a dog)
- Bin to hold dog toys ($20)
- Some sort of spray that cleans and magically tells the dog not to shit in that spot it had the accident anymore, which is probably just febreeze repackaged ($20)
- Magic spray bottle number two that tells them not to chew on furniture, which is probably just bug spray repackaged ($15)
- Garden hose to clean up the dog after it inevitably poops itself in the crate ($40)
- Shampoo ($10)
- Hair brush ($15)
- Toothbrush ($5)
- Toothpaste ($5)
- Dog bells to hang at door ($15)
- Dog fence for yard ($300)
I think that’s about it. At least that’s all the stuff I can think of and the dog doesn’t even exist yet. So what’s the damage brotha? If I added that up in my head correctly it comes out to a cool $1,135. We haven’t even considered the cost of the actual dog yet. I don’t want to talk about that part. So let’s just use this blog as a lesson learned for the costs that aren’t included on the new dog price tag. I’m basically doing gods work here by sharing it.
I’ll have to provide an update once I get all the vet appointments and training schools squared away. Then it’s just food, groomer, vet, day care/dogwalker costs. I’m sure that stuff is all cheap tho.
Ps- for the record I actually have no issues with people that adopt rescue dogs and I agree that it’s the better thing to do. I’m asking for all the credit of rescuing a dog because I browsed a bunch of shelter sites and could not find the type of dog I wanted so totally not my fault.
Pss- I did try to play the “lets rescue one of these dogs from the Amish puppy mills” card and my gf shut it down. IMO you can’t shame someone for buying from a puppy mill if the puppy is living in poor conditions. Technically at that point it becomes a rescue situation.