It’s not actually Britney, it’s just your fearless leader Snake. But we are going to get as rich as Britney. Or at least as rich as Michael Scott. I won’t stop until we are all rich enough to cruise around in Chrysler Sebrings.
Are you guys still enjoying this bull market? It’s nice watching your portfolio grow without doing a damn thing. But it also kinda sucks listening to people say “STONKS ONLY GO UP.”
Look, I get it. It’s a meme. It’s supposed to get funnier with overuse. But I don’t need that stuff on my timeline. When your pitcher is throwing a no-no through 6 innings you don’t start proclaiming “BATTERS ONLY GET OUT” inside your dugout. Everybody knows that when you have a good thing going you shut your GD mouth and pretend like everything is business as usual. *There are exceptions to this rule. If you are a football coach at a powerhouse school with shady shit going on within your staff, this does not apply to you.*
Are you here to listen to me bitch about free money or are you here for me to tell you what to buy? Cue the “LET’S GO” douchebags!
Actually – one more quick thing. The only way I could have enjoyed that above video any more is if it turned into the below video.
Floor collapses at a college party while listening to “Faneto” by Chief Keef 😱😱 pic.twitter.com/bcWq3MTq5y
— DatPiff (@DatPiff) October 22, 2018
Our engineering design manuals can only tell us so much. I am yet to come across the chapter that says “your floor joists should account for 600 date rapists jumping up and down in synchrony.”
Ok – NOW let’s get to the picks.
WINNER: ESPO
I can’t believe this thing exists. I should believe it, but I can’t. If you couldn’t tell from that abbreviated name, “ESPO” does indeed stand for Esports. What we have here boys and girls is a sure-fire ETF. Quick finance 101 session – ETF stands for Exchange Traded Fund. You can read nerd definitions all day long, but essentially this is the grown up version of “don’t put all your eggs in once basket.” These funds can hold shares of Company A, Company B, and Company C through Z.
The reason that this concept is safer is because when Company B’s CEO gets caught on snapchat railing lines of coke at a Fort Lauderdale nightclub, the other 20 companies’ CEOs probably read their kids bedtime stories and woke up early for church. Company B gets crushed, but the fund barely takes a hit. Basically, one company only has so much influence on the price, whether it’s doing good or bad. That amount of influence depends on the fund’s asset allocation. In the case of $ESPO – it’s just a long list of winners.
You’re gonna give me NVIDIA, AMD, Activision, and the EA Sports fellas in one crack?? $40 thousand to a $100 thousand. $100 thousand another $100 thousand. $300 thousand to $500 thousand. Boom – we’re millionaires having money showers.
Look at that chart! You don’t have to be Jim Cramer to see where this shit is headed. That thing was steady climbing pre-rona and now we have nerds locked in basements with nothing else to do. This might be the first fund to ever have its price actually go back in time to retroactively correct itself.
In case you aren’t sold, let me hit you with some hard data (that I have not analyzed, but all the pictures suggest things are trending upwards).
Personally, I find that the Goldman Sachs projection most closely compares to my models.
Could not give less of a shit about Merchandise & Tickets. This isn’t college football. Look towards the future. Digital and streaming are up a cool 61 and 45 percent YoY?
What on gods green earth is an “esports enthusiast?” You get a hard-on for watching dudes play video games? Knock yourself out buddy. If playing video games is a waste of time then what does that make watching somebody else playing video games? Whatever, I’ll be cashing checks while you lose those brain cells.
I don’t know what to make of this chart. I guess Asians play an insane amount of video games? Hold on a second…2.7 billion gamers? Over 1/3 of the world plays video games? You know how many infants and geriatrics are hobbling around that don’t have a clue what a video game is? My bullshit radar is going off. But whatever, like I said earlier just cash the checks.
FWIW I did send these figures to Mattural for some input given his extensive financial background. After crunching through his excel database he replied back within 30 seconds by saying “I don’t see any reason why it won’t keep going up brotha.”
Live look at me putting my kids tuition at risk. ↓↓↓
WINNER: XYL
Have you guys seen the Big Short? There’s that scene right before the final credits where they flash some black and white text on the screen in order to try and scare you. “The next CDO crash is coming.” “The dollar will be worthless.” “You’ll be so broke you’ll have to eat your own shit for breakfast.”
Anyway, one of the actual quotes says something along the lines of “Michael Burry retired and he doesn’t manage anyone else’s money today. The only thing he invests in is……WATER.”
Sounds like a crock of shit if you ask me, but there is always a grain of truth inside every ridiculous scare-tactic. The good news is that water isn’t going anywhere. Well, actually if you ask Al Gore it should have disappeared from the planet altogether by now.
LOL does that say 165° in July 2015? Even if that says July 2045 I still want the under on 165°. Maybe the reason you can’t get everyone to buy into climate change is because it was presented to us by guys like Al Gore. Dude made a billion dollars flying jumbo jets around to promote a bunch of extrapolated data that was pulled out of his own ass. He kinda tainted the subject before the actual scientists could step in and explain realistic timelines and practical corrective measures we can take. Imagine if Sir Isaac Newton introduced us to gravity by telling us in the year of 1800 we will all be living inside the core of the earth as it will have collapsed on itself. I’d probably be less concerned about gravity when 1850 rolled around and nothing had happened. Idk just a thought.
Rabbit holes galore on this blog. We are supposed to be talking about Xylem. They provide water technology. Let me grab the wiki cliffnotes:
That’s the ticket. These guys are trying to figure out clean water solutions. It’s hard to fathom not being able to turn the knob on the sink and get some drinkable stuff, but unfortunately something like 1/4 of the world’s population doesn’t have clean water for sanitation. So what’s better than lining your own pockets while also growing a company that solves a global crisis? It’s basically the second best thing you can do besides joining the Peace Corps.
Do you need any more reasons to own these guys? One time at work I was fooling around with some sort of water monitoring device these people make and it was so sophisticated that we gave up on figuring it out and ordered a dumbed down version. These guys are next level nerds.
And lastly…
Are you kidding me with that slogan? There is A LOT of power behind those three words.
“What are you up to today?”
“Not much, just fucking around and solving water.”
That’s it for now. I’ll talk to you next time (assuming there is a next time and I haven’t retired to go live in Italy because Zebra Technologies went up 5000% overnight).
Snake’s Stock Corner Disclaimer: I don’t have a GD clue what I’m talking about and if you are considering using any of the above information in your real-life investment strategies then you should seek help at 1-800-GAMBLER.