You are currently viewing Snake’s Stock Corner: Part 1

Snake’s Stock Corner: Part 1

Do you constantly find yourself staring at the lower right corner of your work computer checking to see how many minutes have passed since you last looked at the time 3 minutes ago? IOW – do you hate working? I’ll answer that for you – Yes. Yes, you do.

Consider this your lucky day because an angel has been sent down from heaven with free information that’s going to allow you to retire by the time you hit 4o. That angel is me. This is Snake’s Stock Corner Part 1.

Please be assured that every piece of information I’m about to tell you is backed with my own wallet. Don’t tell me to put my money where my mouth is because I’ve already done it. If I didn’t believe in this shit myself I wouldn’t be encouraging you to jump on the train (or possibly tie yourself to the rails) with me. Given that this is the first part of hopefully many, I will hand out just three winners/losers for today. 

WINNER: LMT

How does “probably doubling your money every 5 years at zero risk” sound to you? This shit is easy money. Lockheed Martin is an aerospace and defense company that the federal government hands blank checks to. This is America. We spare no expense on the “just in case we have blow country XYZ off the map” fund. Add in a little government corruption and what you have here is a company that will be profitable for the next 50 years.

Is this the most exciting stock in the world? No. But like I said there’s zero risk. It’s like hedging your Yankees bet in the 6th inning and then watching the last 3 innings with a chance to win a couple bucks risk-free. This is the sort of play that allows you to take some risks in your portfolio elsewhere. Check out this insanity:

And it’s not like our defense industry is going to shrink. Do you feel more comfortable now than you did ten years ago? Hell no. We recently invented a branch of military that polices outer space. Just last week someone hacked into several of the most popular US twitter accounts in the world and ran a bitcoin scam. You don’t think China could dick around and turn off our internet for a few days? No one knows wtf is gonna happen next. It’s time to stock up on tanks and cybersecurity shit.

WINNER: ZBRA

If you liked the idea of doubling your money every five years with $LMT then you are gonna love Zebra Technologies. This SOB is up 1400% since 2000. Is this one also risk-free? Hell no. You could lose half of your investment by next week. But that’s the risk you take when you wanna knock down 1400% gains.

What does Zebra Technologies do? Truth be told, I don’t honestly know. I have read their wiki page like 8 times over the past couple years and I still can’t put my finger on it. It’s something in the neighborhood of computer hardware and printing technologies. Like printers for RFID chips and stuff like that. I guess it’s sort of like an advanced version of the Sabre company that bought out Dunder Mifflin. 

And if you wondering how this relatively unknown company got on my radar a couple years ago, I am willing to let you in on the big secret. 

YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP. We are talking NFL partnership. Next Gen Stats. Nothing says dollar signs quite like nerds trying to outcompete each other in order to find the next sabermetrics-type thing. You can read more about it here, but the short story is that the NFL hires this Zebra Company to tell them that Matt Breida recorded the fastest speed of all running backs during the 2018 season when he ran 22.08mph. And me and my friends (I always forget that I literally own the place) at Zebra are locked in on a deal until 2021 with the NFL. And yes, we are both interested in continuing the relationship beyond 2021.

Aside from the major hit we will take this year when a bunch of white guys in their 60s (who are still confused why Colin Kaepernick was kneeling) boycott the NFL, I have a hunch that the NFL will continue to grow.

LOSER: TLRY

Look, it’s no secret that I am long on marijuana stocks. Me and Wiz Khalifa both. 

BUT – I know a loser when I see one. And Tilray looks like last season’s Cleveland Browns team. All hype, no results. I’ve got a handful of cannabis companies I like and this just isn’t one of them. Something fishy going on over there at Tilray HQ. Check out that casual pump to $150 before the slow crash back down to the single digits in March.

Since the crash leveled out it has demonstrated some signs of life, even climbing 400% from mid-March to June. But I am telling you, stay away from this POS. 

I am 1000% in favor of doing some wall street gambling. A little daytrading to get the juices flowing. But I have been burned by guys like this too many times to let the Garbageheads fall into that trap. In fact, I have been burned by a company that is strikingly similar to these Tilray guys. I got in on some India Globalization Capital back in 2018. Believe it or not I was among those who rode it from $1 up to that huge spike in the $6.50 range.

I’ll never forget that moment when I was doing some midnight reading on the message boards and someone posted a photo of the $IGC headquarters Google street view.

I couldn’t sell that mother effer fast enough when the opening bell rung. I’m pretty sure I actually ended up losing money on it. Shortly thereafter the stock was “delisted” whatever that means. Can’t imagine why. All this to say, I’m leaning pump and dump on Tilray. Stay away, my friends. 

I hope you enjoyed Part 1 of Snake’s Stock Corner. I will try to continue to feed you guys winners and losers on here and together we will fantasize about being drunk on a golf course for the entirety of our 40s.

Snake’s Stock Corner Disclaimer: I don’t have a GD clue what I’m talking about and if you are considering using any of the above information in your real-life investment strategies then you should seek help at 1-800-GAMBLER.

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