Snaker's Dozen: CFB Bowl Season - That's Garbage Media

Live look at the Snaker’s Dozen construction plans:

We were on our way up. It may have only been one week, but it was one BIG week (24 units just fyi). So big that I actually let my guard down and started to believe I could climb back to even. And then…

Being that we are wrapping up the 2020 college football season, we should do a check-in on the year-to-date results.

And for those of you who are more “visually” inclined…

Do you see that thick ass red line? That represents zero. Aka no blood. Aka what you would end up with if you took your phone and threw it down a storm drain every Saturday morning to prevent yourself from betting.

So yeah, we were attempting to stay above that red line. Maybe I should be celebrating the fact that I managed to do that one time.

It physically pains me to do the recap, but let’s do the recap.

LAST WEEK’S THOUGHTS:

Oregon @ USC -3 // RISK 2.2 TO WIN 2 // LOSS
Ball State @ Buffalo OVER 67.5 // RISK 1.1 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
Nebraska @ Rutgers +7.5 // RISK 1.4 TO WIN 1 // WIN
Northwestern +21.5 vs. Ohio State // RISK 1.2 TO WIN 1 // WIN
Northwestern (+850 ML) vs. Ohio State // RISK 0.6 TO WIN 5.1 // LOSS
Oklahoma (-240 ML) vs. Iowa State // RISK 2.4 TO WIN 1 // WIN
Texas A&M @ Tennessee OVER 51 // RISK 1.1 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
~~Louisiana +3.5 @ Coastal Carolina // RISK 1.15 TO WIN 1~~ // CANCELLED
Ole Miss @ LSU UNDER 79.5 // RISK 1.3 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
Ole Miss (-135 ML) @ LSU // RISK 1.35 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
Clemson -8 vs. Notre Dame // RISK 4 TO WIN 2.5 // WIN
Stanford @ UCLA -6 // RISK 1.4 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
~~Michigan State @ Maryland OVER 50.5 // RISK 1.1 TO WIN 1~~ // CANCELLED
Arizona State -7 @ Oregon State // RISK 1.2 TO WIN 1 // WIN
PARLAY #1 // RISK 0.5 TO WIN 7.6 // LOSS
- Ball State @ Buffalo (-570 ML) L
- UAB (+170 ML) @ Marshall W
- Nebraska @ Rutgers (+210 ML) L
- Oregon @ USC (-155 ML) L
PARLAY #2 // RISK 1.5 TO WIN 2.5 // LOSS
- Air Force (-145 ML) @ Army L
- Air Force @ Army UNDER 40 W
PARLAY #3 // RISK 2.2 TO WIN 2.6 // WIN
- Illinois @ Penn State (-700 ML) W
- Illinois @ Penn State OVER 52 W
PARLAY #4 // RISK 1.3 TO WIN 1 // LOSS
- Alabama (-850 ML) vs. Florida W
- Alabama vs. Florida UNDER 77 L
PARLAY #5 // RISK 2 TO WIN 5 // LOSS
- Oregon @ USC (-155 ML) L
- Northwestern vs. Ohio State (-1500 ML) W
- Oklahoma (-240 ML) vs. Iowa State W
- Clemson (-380 ML) vs. Notre Dame W
- Alabama (-850 ML) vs. Florida W
PARLAY #6 // RISK 2 TO WIN 4 // LOSS
- Oklahoma (-240 ML) vs. Iowa State W
- Air Force (-145 ML) vs. Army L
- Clemson (-380 ML) vs. Notre Dame W
PARLAY #7 // RISK 0.6 TO WIN 31 // LOSS
- Ball State vs. Buffalo OVER 64.5 W
- Texas A&M @ Tennessee OVER 48.5 L
- Illinois @ Penn State OVER 49 W
- ~~Michigan State @ Maryland OVER 48.5~~
- Tulsa @ Cincinnati OVER 43.5 W
- Arizona State @ Oregon State OVER 53.5 W
- Air Force @ Army UNDER 40 W
- Clemson vs. Notre Dame UNDER 63 W

NET LOSS: -7.85 UNITS

I wasn’t kidding when I said this was going to be physically painful for me to recap. Having to copy and paste all of those green W‘s after almost every single one of parlay legs makes me feel like such an idiot.

It’s comical how close I was to winning 1000 units, but instead I lose 8. Ok cool, hook em

Looks like I was 5 for 12 on “regular” picks and 1 for 7 on parlays. That in itself sounds like pretty standard procedure here at the Snaker’s Dozen Lab. It’s not until you dig in to the parlay losses that makes you want to pull your hair out.

Parlay #2 misses by 1 leg. Swing of 4 units.
Parlay #4 misses by 1 leg. Swing of 2.3 units.
Parlay #5 misses by 1 leg. Swing of 7 units.
Parlay #6 misses by 1 leg. Swing of 6 units.
Parlay #7 misses by 1 leg. Swing of 31.6 units.

No worries there. Just a few missed legs that cost me a breezy 50 units.

via GIPHY

Parlay #7 aka the Cheat Carroll Parlay missing the Texas A&M vs. Tennessee OVER should result in some jail time for someone (I’m not sure who exactly, but let’s get a jail cell cleaned out and ready while I think about this). This game featured 37 points in the first half and 10 in the second half. I’m brand new to betting OVER 48.5’s….so would that scoreless third quarter be a good thing or a bad thing?

Shoutout to Air Force for keeping the weekly tradition of “let’s see how bad 1 team can dick over the Snaker’s Dozen picks.” That was nice of them to nail me on not one, but two of my failed parlays!

There’s nothing quite like playing 58 minutes and 47 seconds of football without giving up a touchdown before saying “fuck it let’s give up a 4th-and-goal TD to lose the game.”

WHAT ELSE?

I don’t really have any commentary on the USC game. The Pac 12 just sucks. Kedon Slovis did his best Sean Clifford impersonation and spotted the opponent with a couple quick scores to kick the game off. In a rare turn of events, digging your team into a huge hole and then spending the rest of the game trying to climb back out didn’t seem to work. USC loses outright and I lose out on a cool 11.4 units.

via GIPHY

Northwestern had 2 or 3 legitimate chances to steal the game from Ohio State and in true NW fashion they refused to win a big game. Would NW +850 ML for a 5.7 unit swing have been nice? Yes. Was that my biggest concern during this game? No.

I spent most of my time watching this game with the thought of Darren Rovell hitting it big in the back of my mind. Apparently that idiot made like 15 futures bets on NW to with the Big Ten before the season started. He did end up cashing out at the perfect moment, but still managed to be an asshole about it.

You cannot believe the 2nd sentence is true if you did what you did in the first sentence
— Well, Actually... (@dandersena) December 19, 2020

The highest Northwestern moneyline got was +175. I cashed out at +190. I had all the faith in my Wildcats. I didn’t have any faith in my heart holding up.
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) December 19, 2020

The guy spent the last month bragging that he has not and will not hedge his bet and then cashed out live during the game for 1/4th the value of his potential winnings WHILE HIS TEAM WAS WINNING THE GAME. And more good news – he’s still a huge P-word.

Correct. I’m not changing my bet size. One of the biggest mistakes gamblers make after a big win.
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) December 27, 2020

via GIPHY

The only thing I was 100% right about this week was that Clemson beats the piss out of Notre dame 99 times out of 100 Always remember the golden rule when betting on Notre Dame – if the game is 1% meaningful there is 99% chance that Notre Dame will fail to live up to expectations (aka cover the spread). So I’m looking forward to seeing ND take on Alabama…that should go well!

via GIPHY

CFB BOWL SEASON WINNERS

(I am going to give out my ‘winners’ on here for record-keeping purposes, but I highly encourage you to tune into our podcast where we break it all down with extremely detailed stats and gambling trends)

It’s officially the most wonderful time of the year.

And turn that shit off, Andy Williams, I’m talking about Bowl Season.

Those logos bring a tear to my eye and they aren’t even up-to-date. But it doesn’t matter – it get’s the point across. This is the time of year when you are consuming “meaningless football” while consuming high-octane brewskis at every waking moment but you never catch more than a slight buzz because you are also constantly consuming food. Need I say more? Cue the video!