*ME OPENING UP MY GAMBLING APP TO CHECK THE WEEK 8 RESULTS*
Not good boys and girls. I just flushed another 8 units down the drain and I am sliding my way back down towards breakeven on the season. Dare I say the wheels are coming off??
In the words of Michael Scott, “STAY FUCKING CALM.” Let’s take a moment to review the results of Week 8. Some day we’re going to look back on these and laugh…
🏈 CFB WEEK 8 RECAP 🏈
PARLAY #1 (+145) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.45
PARLAY #2 (+4550) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 22.75
PARLAY #3 (+350) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 3.5
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+33000) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 165.0
A strong finish after an abysmal start. In a weird spin zone type of way I can convince myself that I am actually red hot. Hitting my last 5 of 6 and then waking up to see I nailed that Hawaii nightcap Over (I tried to stay awake but failed) gave me a little bit of my mojo back.
Now let’s take a closer look at some of the games that contributed to my worst week of the season.
My thoughts on the games in no particular thought-out order:
I am perfectly content losing some money on the Coastal Carolina Tryhards as long as it means they lost a game.
It’s like the Pitt vs UCF game from a few years ago when Pitt beat them and UCF finally had to stop claiming they were a championship contender. Great year mullets, now re-group and focus on winning the national championship next year.
Sidenote – I should have cancelled this bet as soon as I saw the bus got itself stuck.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/yrMpwRxV2K
— "GOLDROOM15" ON HOUSEUNITEDSPORTS.COM (@AppStateConeBoy) October 20, 2021
I can not get on the correct side of Billy Napier and Louisiana and I told you that straight up. I may never win a bet involving Louisiana again, but I’m going to keep trying.
I was staring this game up and down all last week scratching my head at the line. Arizona is shitty and hasn’t won. But you know who else is shitty? Washington.
I damn near hit this one on a longshot ML. The Wildcats were up 13-0 at the half and had a legitimate chance here until they folded up like a cheap card table.
I would also like to add one more thing. I don’t think of myself as an athlete in any sort of delusional way (I’m pretty average on the @letic meter), but I could have subbed into that game at quarterback and held onto that lead. The Zona QB was so bad that he was missing his targets on checkdowns and screens.
4️⃣ And we're sticking with UW and we're sticking on their defensive line...
— Full 10 Yards College (@Full10YardsCFB) October 23, 2021
🧤 BIG MAN PICK. Tuli Letuligasenoa, showing that he's got some soft hands when he needs to. Getting the ball back for @UW_Football.#PurpleReign pic.twitter.com/pnYuo7DUMC
PS – Dan Wolken is an arrogant asshole that thinks he’s better than me.
I’ve got Arizona ML going at 6:1. Yeah I’ll be staying up for this one buddy.
— Brian Deegan (@snigg_mct) October 23, 2021
Never in my life have I been more wrong about a game. Thought Memphis would win outright and apparently everyone else did because the line moved from like UCF -6 to Memphis -2.
Also never in my life have I seen a QB give less of a shit than the Memphis QB. (I’m totally not salty about him driving down the field 3 times and then dicking around with the football and scoring zero points. I’m totally not salty about that at all and how it cost me the sweetheart teaser this week.)
Peter Parrish throws his 2nd pick of the night. Memphis stalls after a solid drive. This banged up UCF team is having their way with Memphis.
— CFB Blitz (@BlitzCfb) October 23, 2021
MEMPHIS 7
UCF 24
pic.twitter.com/HaBMDUFk01
You try not to use exaggerations when you are a fan of the team in discussion, but I would go as far as to say this was the worst loss I can recall in my life. If not the worst loss (PSU-MICH 2018 comes to mind), it’s the most disappointing loss.
Penn State off a BYE week was not prepared for a team with a Division 3 quarterback. Again, trying not to exaggerate, but I think I just watched an entire season burn up in one game.
Even with the 9 OTs, this game couldn’t hit the 40 points needed to push Parlay #3 over the top.
Oh well, let’s get em next week boys.
1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0 #WeAre
— James Franklin (@coachjfranklin) October 25, 2021
Sidenote – somebody should be chained up and shot for coming up with that overtime format. Why do people insist on fucking around with shit that’s not broken? A 2-point-conversion-off? I’m looking forward to that happening to someone in a conference championship or playoff game. Then after that tragedy occurs we can reverse that horrific decision.
I’m not sure what in the hell happened in this game, but I have FOMO to the nth degree. How did somebody manage to give up 56 points to Army? How did someone manage to score 70 points?
One of the coolest stats you’ll ever hear: Both teams hit the over by themselves and the game went Over by 72 points.
Oklahoma State does indeed cover the 7 point spread, but they don’t win outright. Iowa State waited until Week 8 to do it, but they did finally looked good in this one.
However that didn’t stop Matt Campbell from having another temper tantrum.
Matt Campbell has the best meltdowns. 😂 pic.twitter.com/QtCUjrVnwJ
— Sooner Gridiron (@soonergridiron) October 23, 2021
The fact that this game went over is a Big Ten tragedy. But I’d play the Under again tomorrow. I wouldn’t take an Over in this game in a million years if the Total was set at 7.5.
Also FWIW I was perusing the cfb subreddit Saturday morning and came across some lifelong Purdue fan begging and pleading people to put their 401k’s on Wisconsin given all of the letdown game historical evidence he had gathered.
I don’t know who you were random guy on Reddit, but thank you for that tip.
HAND UP. Another major miscalculation on my part assuming Clemson would get that offense clicking. Bad, bad, bad.
And Credit to Pitt, they are good. Legitimately good this year. They burned me against VT and they flamethrower-ed me here. I will not make that mistake again of betting against Pitt. Consider me the newest member of Team Pickett and I’m sorry for being late.
"I'm going to go have a cold one and then we'll get ready for Miami."
— The Sporting News (@sportingnews) October 23, 2021
Kenny Pickett 🍺pic.twitter.com/HgUvZRunpB
Every once in a while you win one that you probably don’t deserve (though that seems to work the other way around way more often) and this is Exhibit-A.
Bama -25 and the Over 67 both hit thanks to a 28 point 4th quarter from the Crimson Tide.
🚨 Code Red 🚨
Ohio State is catching its stride and it’s time to get concerned. Thank god Penn State is peaking at the perfect time to head into Columbus.
Finally got a Pac-12 game that lived up to the hype and didn’t leave me scratching my head after the final whistle. Oregon is probably slightly better than UCLA and can be a force to be reckoned with (when their QB decides to turn it on).
Imagine getting hit at full speed by this guy:
And this guy:
If you claim to have a read on Notre Dame you are lying. And the same could be said for USC at this point.
Did Manny Diaz just save his job with this upset in front of the hometown crowd?
Nope. He most definitely did not.
That’s Week 8 in a nutshell. I can’t wait to never think about it again.
Now let’s get back to the part where I win so many units for so many weeks in a row that I start to get bored.
Let’s get back to the God Damn rules.
The Rules of Sports Gambling by Snaker’s Dozen:
Rule #1 – You are due.
Rule #2 – See Rule #1.
Rule #3 – When it starts to hurt, turn up the dial. More units. Also, see Rule #1.
*A FOREWARNING*
Earlier this week Trav and me took our initial look at the board and decided we hated it. Only liked a handful of games/spreads. I’m not sure what happened between that conversation and when I placed my bets because I ended up putting money on everything in sight. I got carried away with Rule #3. So don’t expect long winded justification on most of these picks.
🏈 CFB WEEK 9 WINNERS 🏈
Troy @ Coastal Carolina OVER 52 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
I would be tempted to take the tryhards to cover the -18.5 fresh off their first loss of the season, but Troy has been playing pretty good defense and has managed to lose by less than 2 TDs in every game this year.
Ultimately I feel like the total is a safer play. So I’ll be rooting for both teams to play until the final whistle and Coastal to score some garbage time points to push this thing over the top.
Navy @ Tulsa UNDER 48 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Navy vs. Tulsa has all the feels of a service academy game. Remember a few weeks back where I said I was “just going to assume Tulsa still has a great D” and it paid off? Well, I’m going to do that again.
Look for 15 possessions and 28 total points scored. UNDER.
Michigan @ Michigan State +4.5 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
There are so many factors in this game that trying to handicap it has my head spinning:
- Neither team has played any great opponents
- Neither team ordinarily finds itself in an undefeated position this late in the season
- Mel Tucker might be the greatest coach of all time or could get shitcanned after next season. I have no idea.
- Jim Harbaugh historically has flopped in similar positions under the bright lights, but overall is a pretty solid coach (see James Franklin).
- Michigan State still feels like the little brother despite winning this game in 2020 and 2017.
- This is practically a must-win for Harbaugh
- Michigan State may treat this like the Super Bowl
- There was that idiot punter that blew the game for Michigan back in 2015.
This choice for me comes down to the fact that I hate Michigan and don’t mind Michigan State. So I’ll pick (and root for) Michigan State.
Iowa +3.5 @ Wisconsin (-125) // RISK 1.25 to WIN 1.0
I see zero reason why Wisconsin would be favored in this game. It’s basically the same team playing it’s twin brother. Also, here’s me trying to visualize Graham Mertz having success against Iowa:
UMass @ Liberty -36.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
UMass @ Liberty OVER 60 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I don’t know what the hell is going on with my guy Hugh Freeze. He came out flat last week again. Piss flat. Flatter than the Bud Light that my Uncle requested from the server in the “back of the storage room” in hopes to prank my dad one time at a bar.
I think this is the week Hugh rights the ship. It’s UMass for Christs sake.
Miami @ Pitt -11.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I’m done underestimating Pitt. I don’t even like this line, but I’m taking it. Give me Pitt and give me Pickett.
PS – I love how Kenny Pickett gets dressed to play football. Looks like how some of my buddies would dress for hometown Thanksgiving football down at the middle school field.
Rutgers @ Illinois UNDER 42.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
There’s a game taking place between Rutgers and Illinois in Champaign, IL at 11am local and I can take an Under in the 40s?
Texas State @ Louisiana OVER 56.5 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
Texas State @ Louisiana -20.5 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
For the 100th time: I’m on the wrong side of every Billy Napier game. I have to put an end to this losing streak.
Let me try to take ULL and the over and I CANT lose them both.
Missouri @ Vanderbilt +17.5 (-120) // RISK 1.2 to WIN 1.0
I thought Vanderbilt could win outright last week against Miss St and they lost by 500. Let’s chalk that one up to the Mike Leach factor and try again.
Washington State @ Arizona State OVER 51.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I’m having a tough time adjusting to life without Rolovich and I respectfully request my privacy at this time. RIP Fat Travs. Pour one out and take the Over against Herm Edwards.
Boston College @ Syracuse -4.5 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
I just recently discovered that Garrett Shrader is putting together a nice little season (not passing, but rushing with reckless abandon).
Florida State @ Clemson UNDER 46 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
These two teams have given me no choice but to go with the ‘Toilet Bowl Under’ approach. I can’t believe I’m saying that about Clemson.
Georgia -13.5 @ Florida (-140) // RISK 2.8 to WIN 2.0
GO DAWGS
RIP dead guy
GO DAWGS
GO DAWGS
Purdue @ Nebraska UNDER 49.5 (-120) // RISK 1.2 to WIN 1.0
Purdue +7.5 @ Nebraska (-120) // RISK 1.2 to WIN 1.0
I’m officially getting carried away with the unders, but do you really expect me to lay off a Nebraska vs. Purdue total?
Also – I’d love to see another Scott Frost heartbreaker just for shits and giggles (and because I’ve been predicting he will get fired mid-season for like two months now).
Texas Tech +18 @ Oklahoma (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I looked at this game, saw a big number for a rivalry game, and tossed a unit on it. That was shortly before Texas Tech fired their head coach.
God dammit.
Ole Miss @ Auburn UNDER 66 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Bo Nix and a total in the mid-60s? The actual total will be drastically incorrect (either 25 points or 95 points). I’ve taken 500 unders I might as well keep that going.
Oregon State -1.5 @ Cal (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
It worked once before, so I’ll just put it out there again. I will buy a second piece of Oregon State gear if they win this game.
SMU MONEYLINE @ Houston (+100) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.0
I have followed SMU football for a total of 1 week and that week happened to be last week when they beat Tulane 55-26. So naturally, I am convinced they are the best G5 team in the land.
UNC +3.5 @ Notre Dame (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
UNC @ Notre Dame OVER 62.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I’m going to call this a MUST BET, but I’m not quite breaking out the sirens. It’s a good game, not a great game.
You want to bet this and you want to have it on a 2nd screen for sure. It sucks that UNC ruined the appeal behind this one, but I’m still intrigued by this matchup and for whatever reason I think UNC wins this game. I’ll take the free FG as insurance rather than taking the ML, and I won’t be surprised if it turns into a shootout.
Penn State +18.5 @ Ohio State (-105) // RISK 2.1 to WIN 2.0
Penn State MONEYLINE @ Ohio State (+700) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 7.0
Penn State is in a world of hurt and Ohio State is starting to look like it’s playing in Freshman mode on NCAA ’14. That’s not great timing for the Nits.
James Franklin rumors swirling, QB banged up, defense just lost their heart and soul at DT, and the RBs are averaging 7 inches per carry. TAKE ALL THAT AND THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW.
Penn State always plays this game close. They haven’t lost by 19 since 2015, and they have played some god awful football between then and now. It won’t make any sense, but Penn State will cover and there will be 5 minutes of real-time where you actually think to yourself “can they steal this game???”
Moneyline sprinkle just because I will be there in person and 7:1 is straight up insulting.
UCLA MONEYLINE @ Utah (+200) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 1.0
UCLA +4.5 @ Utah (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I think I’m just a closet UCLA fan because nearly every time I have looked at their spread this season I have thought “oh that’s way too many free points.”
Hell, put another shirt on my tab. If UCLA ML hits I’ll pay it forward (to Fanatics).
Washington @ Stanford -2.5 (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
As I said at the top, I didn’t really love too many lines this week. But I LOVE this one.
I can’t wait to watch John Donovan’s offense sputtering from their own 5 yard line ALL NIGHT LA-HONG from David Shaw punting them to death.
Punt from the 34 yard line. David Shaw special pic.twitter.com/MITmLSmgMY
— Big Cat (@BarstoolBigCat) November 28, 2020
PS – no late nite Hawaii is a real kick in the you-know-what. Stanford beating the piss out of Washington will have to do.
PARLAY #1 (+235) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.35
The Sweetheart Parlay just called and it said to take that 5-teamer and shove it. Give me an 8-teamer that has virtually no chance of hitting.
PARLAY #2 (+17000) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 85.0
I don’t know why the hell this thing is 170:1. All I did was pick out teams that will win easily. Some of them are heavy favorites and some of them are examples of Vegas being wildly incorrect.
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+20000) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 100.0
As Chris Fowler once screamed on National TV, “The Dawgs…are barking in the first half!”
Except instead of dawgs, we are talking about DOGS. A 200:1 underdog parlay, lets see them doggies!!!
That’s all, folks. I have about 38 units in play so it’s officially put up or shut up time. Let’s have a week.