Snaker's Dozen: 2021 CFB Week 8 - That's Garbage Media

Week 7 had me like…

via GIPHY

I don’t want to go down the road of woulda coulda shoulda’s in Week 7….BUT…I got royally screwed 10 different ways.

Ultimately I end the week 1.4 units poorer than I started. Let’s see how.

🏈 CFB WEEK 7 RECAP 🏈

PARLAY #1 (+190) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.9

PARLAY #2 (+150) // RISK 2.0 to WIN 3.0

PARLAY #3 (+500) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 5.0

PARLAY #4 (+2400) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 12.0

LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+7900) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 79.0

F that. Where do I even start.

Hawaii vs. Nevada jumped out to 500 points in the first quarter but couldn’t manage the Over.
- A swing of 2.1 units.
Alabama could have scored 1000 points with some effort and Mississippi State couldn’t manage double digits.
- A swing of 2.15 units.
Georgia doesn’t cover because Kentucky is calling timeouts and breaking out the secret playsheet to score in the final seconds of garbage time.
- A swing of 4.15 units.
A solid half point loss on Tuesday night because my guy Billy Napier inexplicably takes his foot off the gas. Yes, that’s the same guy that was running hurry-up air raid while up 75 points the other week.
- A swing of 2.1 units.
Arizona State goes up by 14 points (in a game where I teased them to +12) and then lets up 28 unanswered points. If my dog and her friends put helmets on with a 14 point lead they could have covered the +12.
- A swing of 2.9 units.
Iowa (who isn’t amazing by any means but should be able to handle Purdue 99 out of 100 times) inexplicably sleepwalks for 60 minutes straight without ever flipping the switch.
- A swing of 6 units.

IF YOU’RE KEEPING TRACK AT HOME ALL THAT SHIT LISTED ABOVE COST ME 19.4 UNITS.

My thoughts on the games in no particular thought-out order:

It’s quite apparent that I’m never going to get on the correct side of Billy Napier, but I’m going to keep trying. Which is the opposite of what his team did once they had a nice lead. I guess him and his boosters didn’t have any money on the Over this week. Just me.

I know Clemson is going to turn it on at some point, but I’m starting to wonder if that point is next season.

Let’s not pretend this game was anything other than another assbeating courtesy of the Dawgs. Even after manufacturing a fake touchdown in the final seconds, Kentucky was never in this game and the scoreboard shows that.

Absolutely brutal backdoor cover by Kentucky (+20.5)

The Wildcats called timeout with 7 seconds left and scored to cut the lead to 17😬 pic.twitter.com/QVkjT3a2Nt
— PointsBet Sportsbook (@PointsBetUSA) October 16, 2021

One of those games where I understand how that result happened, but I’m still questioning how that result could have happened.

Iowa’s offense is uglier than my +500 blown parlay on Iowa ML.

I didn’t have any action on this one, which was idiotic on my part after watching the spark that Caleb Williams put into the offense last week. This kid is much better than the albino ginger. Big miss by me.

via GIPHY

Oklahoma State is undefeated yet somebody out there decided the criminally overrated Big 12 team named Texas should be favored. I can’t wait to replicate this bet with OKST and Iowa State this week.

I can’t believe I sort of had to sweat out Ole Miss -3 down the home stretch.

Never underestimate the shitty team at home getting up for their own version of the Super Bowl. Stop what you are doing right now and jot a note down for yourself that Tennessee is going to come out flat in a letdown spot next week.

Also – I just want to go on record and say that fans throwing shit on the field is 0% funny. It just makes me think your school is full of complete flickers. Which in Tennessee’s case, it is.

Arkansas was due for a trip back down to earth and Auburn ML just felt right. Too bad I parlayed it.

via GIPHY

It takes a lot for me to turn off a game when I have action on it with a chance to cash. This one, however, was so pathetic that I opted not to watch Arizona State’s last few offensive possessions. A wise man named Patches O’Houlihan once used a very anti-PC phrase that would describe this team quite well in the 2nd half.

Hint – it involves a doorknob.

Coach O walking ass-backwards into a ranked win shortly before being informed he’s no longer needed at his job is the most Coach O thing ever.

I will forever maintain that the most impressive thing about that 2019 LSU team was overcoming this redbull-drinking gorilla as their head coach.

With regards to Orgeron's personal life bleeding into his coaching life, sources also tell @WBRZ that there were multiple practices where "girlfriends" would be in attendance at prax and would "interfere". To the degree of children of the women taking part in drills with team.
— Matt Trent (@MCTrent23) October 17, 2021

Well, well, well, how the turntables…

“I just don’t see a world where this game doesn’t flash across the bottom of the screen with a 42-31 type score on it.” – me last week

via GIPHY

I know I made a few mean comments about Arizona State’s offense earlier, but holy shit.

Virginia Tech’s offense not only has me questioning whether I can bet on them again this season, it has me questioning whether I can bet on them ever again.

I swear to god you could grab a high school JV team off the street right now and get more flavor than some of the possessions I saw VT putting together in this game.

Biggest upset of the college football season:

UL Monroe beats Liberty 31-28 as a 33-point underdog and cashes as a 30-1 'dog on ML.

Liberty was -20000 at FanDuel on ML.

Incredible.
— Ben Fawkes (@BFawkes22) October 17, 2021

Take Week 7 and throw it in the trash. We’re onto ~~Cincinnati~~ ~~Seattle~~ Week 8.

The Rules of Sports Gambling by Snaker’s Dozen:

Rule #1 – You are due.

Rule #2 – See Rule #1.

Rule #3 – When it starts to hurt, turn up the dial. More units. Also, see Rule #1.

via GIPHY

🏈 CFB WEEK 8 WINNERS 🏈

Coastal Carolina -2.5 @ App State (-140) // RISK 1.4 to WIN 1.0

EXCELLENT spot for the tryhards to beat an underwhelming App State team on the road and then try to spin it like it’s a college football playoff worthy victory.

Not to say that this team ISN’T playoff worthy. I mean, just look at em!

Louisiana Lafayette -17 @ Arkansas State (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0

I should just donate this money to a charity of Billy Napier’s choice. This pick will not win because I am incapable of getting on the correct side of ULL. You should fade this one.

via GIPHY

San Jose State -4.5 @ UNLV (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0

I continue to know zero about this UNLV team, but I will never forget that time they played Iowa State and had like -7 yards passing.

Also you can’t bet on UNLV strictly beause of their coach. Dude looks like a crossbreed of a steroid bro at your hometown gym and a politician.

That right there is a man that spends more time in front of a mirror and in a tanning bed than he does in a film room. Go ahead and lock up San Jose State.

Memphis MONEYLINE @ UCF (+100) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.0

I feel like I’m stealing with this pick (and that probably means I’m taking the bait). Pretty sure UCF is playing terrible and Memphis has been decent. Gimme the Tigers.

Washington @ Arizona MONEYLINE (+500) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 2.5

I’m not breaking out the ‘wrong team is favored’ sirens, but are we absolutely positive that Arizona should be 5:1 at home? A team that desperately wants a win against a god-awful Washington offense. This feels like tremendous value and it is most certainly worth wasting half a unit on.

Wisconsin @ Purdue UNDER 40 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0

I was so incredibly tempted to take Wisconsin in this game, but I’m trying to set aside my bias that Wisconsin will win because Purdue is Purdue.

I’ll just root for the typical Big Ten under punt-fest.

Clemson +3.5 @ Pitt (-125) // RISK 2.5 to WIN 2.0

Clemson MONEYLINE @ Pitt (+140) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.4

Every week there’s one game that results in me saying “I’m confused” out loud to myself (at 2am on the couch while scrolling through the weekly lines).

This week it’s Clemson getting multiple points against Pitt.

I am well aware of the season Pitt is having. Kenny Pickett has been terrific. But they also lost to some team whose name escapes me (because it was such a shitty school) and their Head Coach is a gym teacher that stumbled onto a collegiate sideline.

Am I really to believe that Pat Narduzzi and the boys are going to dial something up on Brent Venables defense? Because I am having a tough time picturing that. I know that Clemson “sucks” according to Paul Finebaum, but realistically this could be a 2-loss ACC Championship team with one of those losses being a 1-score game on the road versus the best team in the nation.

So forgive my confusion, but I am going to put my money on the team that competes for national championships every year getting a 3 point headstart. And let’s not kid ourselves, did you really think I was going to pick against Skalski?

Oklahoma State +7 @ Iowa State (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0

Oklahoma State MONEYLINE @ Iowa State (+215) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.15

I alluded to this one earlier. This is the Oklahoma State versus Texas game from last week. It’s like watching a re-run on ESPNU except they are letting us bet on it.

Oklahoma State has an undefeated record and a solid defense. Somebody decided that Iowa State was awesome during the preseason. I’m not sure why there is a touchdown separating these teams.

I’m taking the points and sprinkling on the OKST moneyline with hopes that I get to see Matt Campbell blow another blood vessel in his head.

Oregon MONEYLINE @ UCLA (+105) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.05

🚨 MUST BET 🚨

Everybody loves to pick on the Pac-12, but this might be the game of the week. Show me someone who claims to have an edge on this game and I’ll show you a liar. This is just about impossible to figure out between the Ohio Staet upset, Oregon’s injuries, UCLA’s inconsistencies, and the Chip Kelly angle.

Liberty -21.5 @ North Texas (-105) // RISK 2.1 to WIN 2.0

Hugh loses as a 30 point favorite and you think I’m just going to give up on him? BOUNCE BACK WEEK. BIG TIME.

Tennessee @ Alabama -25 (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0

Tennessee @ Alabama OVER 67 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0

Time and time again we’ve seen this scenario play out in a predicatable fashion. The formula is simple.

Super Bowl Last Week = Letdown Game This Week. Tide might win this one 70-3.

via GIPHY

UTSA @ Louisiana Tech +7.5 (-130) // RISK 1.3 to WIN 1.0

UTSA @ Louisiana Tech MONEYLINE (+215) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.15

Me: So when’s the last time you had your ass beat?

UTSA: Not since 2020.

Me: Well then, you’re due buddy.

via GIPHY

Ohio State -20 @ Indiana (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0

Somebody tell that bitchass Tom Allen to break out the tear rag. He’s going to need it after Ohio State drops 50 on him at home.

NC State MONEYLINE @ Miami (-150) // RISK 1.5 to WIN 1.0

Betting against Miami in a tight spread. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Utah @ Oregon State MONEYLINE (+135) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.35

I almost forgot to follow up on this one, but I have good news to report.

The shirt came in. Go Beavs.

USC @ Notre Dame UNDER 57.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0

Aside from that one game where eyeblack kid lit it up, these offenses have both been pretty stagnant. This feels like an under game, but that’s not going to stop me from watching every second of it (and rooting for USC). This sucker is always a classic.