WINNING WEEKS: 5
LOSING WEEKS: 1
I am trying to understand how I lost units week in and week out last year, but this year I continue to churn out positive week after positive week. Let’s just chalk 2020 up to COVID.
I’m a little bit in disbelief myself about this newfound success, but the moment I hesitate is the moment Vegas will pull the rug out from under my feet. I have to remain focused and keep pounding away at the Snaker’s Dozen Rules.
🏈 CFB WEEK 5 RECAP 🏈
PARLAY #1 (+190) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.9
PARLAY #2 (+990) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 9.9
PARLAY #3 (+8140) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 81.4
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+2128000) // RISK 0.2 to WIN 4256.0
BACK-TO-BACK 3.4 UNIT WEEKS.
I’m not saying that ripping off back-to-back 3.4 unit weeks is quite as cool as hitting an MLB homerun immediately after your dad just hit one, but let’s not kid ourselves. The Snaker’s Dozen is RED HOT in 2021.
My thoughts on the games in no particular thought-out order:
There’s no feeling better in CFB gambling then being up by 2 units on a spread + moneyline sprinkle when your head hits the pillow on Thursday night.
MIAMI DOINKS A 33-YARD FIELD GOAL AS TIME EXPIRES.
— CFB Kings (@CFBKings) October 1, 2021
VIRGINIA WINS IT 30-28. pic.twitter.com/wI0TOLoZQm
I can’t believe I ever doubted this Iowa pick for a second. Thankfully something clicked in my brain on Friday afternoon that reminded me of the time Penn State beat Maryland 59-0 in a very similar Friday night spot. So I tripled down on Iowa before kickoff.
It's GAME WEEK!
— Maryland Terrapins (@umterps) September 23, 2019
Here is a quick guide to what to wear on Friday based on your section!! #BlackoutPSU pic.twitter.com/o8dfJaMiQS
The Penn State takeover is on in Maryland's student section! ⚪️⚪️⚪️ pic.twitter.com/9or4iliUwT
— Onward State (@OnwardState) September 28, 2019
I hate to pile on with the Lane Kiffin popcorn stuff, but seriously…
"Get your popcorn ready." - Lane Kiffin 🍿 pic.twitter.com/ZDdr60cjuj
— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) October 2, 2021
You CAN NOT do that and then come out and score ZERO meaningful points in a football game. Ole Miss put up 3 touchdowns in second half garbage time. I don’t know how Lane Kiffin can ever come back from that.
This did not live up to the hype. The best part of this game is that the “TAKE THE OVER” frat bros had to get their wallets out (or should I say their dad’s wallets out).
Dawgs roll. If you’re surprised then you’re just dumb.
I was not even close by saying that Penn State could cover this total by themselves, but to be fair, they never even attempted to run it up. Easy breezy victory and Penn State covers the spread for me yet again.
Ok this one I was absolutely wrong on. My apologies to Cinicnnati for thinking you couldn’t hang with Jack Coan and Notre Dame. That’s on me. Won’t happen again. (This happens about twice a year when I let Notre Dame trick me into thinking they are a top tier football team)
I did not see this game and my initial reaction to the box score was ‘how on earth did the banana mayonnaise man pull this victory off?’
Will Levis will stop at NOTHING pic.twitter.com/d5w5hExg70
— Unnecessary Roughness (@UnnecRoughness) October 1, 2021
But upon further review into the statbook, this must have been the strangest game of all time.
Wisconsin is officially below average and I am thoroughly confused. Good thing I stuck with the surefire Wisconsin Team Total Under.
My guy Herm Edwards with a big time W. DEVILS DIGEST BABY.
LSU losing at home to Auburn. I’m genuinely impressed with how little Coach O is getting out of the 3rd most talented roster in the country.
Have another Red Bull, Coach!
It took me about 120 picks to pull it off, but TCU +5 delivered my first push of the 2021 season. Don’t ever let anyone fool you into thinking that a push is a bad thing. Push = gambling rush for free.
Welp, Florida State finally beat the ultimate snoresville of a team in Syracuse. Still didn’t cover though.
Hugh, I never doubted you, you sick skinny legged son of a bitch.
Well, well, well…
Mr. Scott Frost, I owe you a sincere apology sir. I had totally counted you out, and you have now made me pay (literally) on numerous occasions with numerous covers.
Last, but not least, let’s NOT talk about the Cheat Carroll Parlay this week. Like I said earlier we need to keep the blinders on and stick to rapid fire, no-thought-put-into-it picks.
Week 6 picks, lets do this.
The Rules of Sports Gambling by Snaker’s Dozen:
Rule #1 – You are due.
Rule #2 – See Rule #1.
Rule #3 – When it starts to hurt, turn up the dial. More units. Also, see Rule #1.
(Probably a real dumb move by me to abandon the Dillashaw-Buffer gif after a 2-0 win streak)
🏈 CFB WEEK 6 WINNERS 🏈
Coastal Carolina @ Arkansas State TEAM UNDER 26.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
After a brief discussion with Travy about this game I love the tryhard mullets to cover, but I love them to prevent Arkansas State from scoring even more.
Houston @ Tulane OVER 60 (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
Speaking of mullets, Dana Holgersen is going to come out firing in this game, correct?
Temple @ Cincinnati -29.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
And speaking of tryhards, Cinci is the biggest group of tryhards I’ve seen since 6th grade gym class. I’m not betting against these tools versus a mediocre to decent team ever again. They are a top-15 to top-25 team that is doing their best to convince you that they are a top-5 team.
Stanford +13 @ Arizona State (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I hate to bet against my guy Herm, but at this point I’m going to assume Stanford could win on any given week. (They could also get blown out by 40.)
Oklahoma -3 @ Texas (-115) // RISK 2.3 to WIN 2.0
Oklahoma -3.5 @ Texas (+100) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.0 [$IX RACK]
Year after year after year after year there is group of talking heads on ESPN that are shocked to see Texas stumble the moment they start gaining momentum.
Why would you ever assume Texas can play with Oklahoma when they prove every single year that they are inferior? If Oklahoma was 0-10, I would take Oklahoma in this spot. Some day if Texas proves to me that they can actually beat 3-4 respectable teams in a single season, then I will allow myself to get fooled (Notre Dame style).
PS – I am double dipping on this one because Travey over at the $ix Rack is one of those people that likes Texas. I’m looking forward to seeing the look of shock on Trav and Emmanuel Acho’s face when Texas loses by double digits.
Michigan State @ Rutgers UNDER 50 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Michigan State -5.5 @ Rutgers (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
I haven’t watched these guys yet, but I know that Michigan State is pretty good and I know that Rutgers is a Big Ten bottom feeder. Why this line is within a TD is beyond me. I’ll take some free money though.
Also the total is set too high by roughly 12-15 points. You don’t need to be a genius to figure either of these lines out.
Arkansas @ Ole Miss UNDER 67 (-110) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.0
These teams combined for a total of zero points outside of meaningless garbage time last week. So excuse me for thinking they aren’t going to score 70 this week.
Embrace life it’s to short to be serious!! It’s ok to laugh at yourself. 🏈🔥❤️@OleMissFB https://t.co/GN1shHnNC5
— Lane Kiffin (@Lane_Kiffin) October 7, 2021
too*
Maryland @ Ohio State -20.5 (-130) // RISK 1.3 to WIN 1.0
If you don’t think Ohio State, Oklahoma, and Clemson could shift gears into world-beater mode at a moment’s notice…you’re insane. Go ahead and tell yourself that “this year is different, they just aren’t very good anymore!”
Virginia MONEYLINE @ Louisville (+115) // RISK 1.3 to WIN 1.5
I sat around last Thursday night pulling for the Virginia QB (who is pretty damn good) to beat Miami for 55 minutes straight. Then with 5 minutes to go the camera showed him on the sideline without his helmet and holy shit what a TOOL.
Ginger with a goatee and earrings. I was so stunned that I almost flipped and started rooting for Miami.
That being said, I’m riding with the tool again. Give me Virginia. Moneyline. Tool moneyline.
Georgia @ Auburn TEAM UNDER 14.5 (-115) // RISK 2.3 to WIN 2.0
I would imagine that woman is screaming “GEORIGA IS GIVING UP LESS THAN 1 TOUCHDOWN A GAME. STOP SETTING THE TEAM TOTAL FOR GEORGIA’S OPPONENT AT TWO TOUCHDOWNS!”
(Or keep setting it for more than two touchdowns so I can keep making free money…)
UConn -5.5 @ UMass (+110) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.1
🚨 MUST BET 🚨
You are not going to want to miss this one. Quite possibly the worst two teams in FBS are squaring off to see who wants to win less. Basically flip a coin and cheer with blink faith.
I am rocking with UConn because I heard on a podcast that “this is the not the same team we saw earlier under Randy Edsall.” I don’t even know what that means, but I’m taking an alternate line. UConn by a TD.
Prepare for insanity.
4th & 18 for UConn and they convert on this, then score a TD two plays later pic.twitter.com/ypbQ8Y12hs
— Internet #BlackLivesMatter (@cjzero) October 3, 2021
Penn State MONEYLINE @ Iowa (+115) // RISK 4.0 to WIN 4.6
I will continue to bet heavy on Penn State if the spread continues to disrespect them.
The Total indicates this will be a defensive stalemate, which makes perfect sense. And if that ends up being the case then this will come down turnovers and explosive plays. Therefore unless Penn State turns the ball over 2 or 3 times they are going to win. Because I know who will win the explosive play battle and it’s not Iowa.
According to the 247 player talent composite, Penn State is currently ranked #16 and Iowa is ranked #43. Penn State has Jahan Dotson catching passes. Iowa has multiple white TEs catching passes. Clearly I am missing something because this makes zero sense to me why Penn State isn’t favored. Throw out last year’s bullshit, and Penn State has won this game the last 6 times they’ve met.
Michigan MONEYLINE @ Nebraska (-165) // RISK 3.3 to WIN 2.0
Michigan -6 @ Nebraska (+130) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.3
Hand up, I have been dead wrong about Nebraska and Scott Frost.
But I want this one to hurt. I have 4.3 units riding on Jim Harbaugh and the Michigan Wolverines VISITING Lincoln, Nebraska for a night game.
LSU @ Kentucky UNDER 50.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I don’t even remember placing this bet. I kind of hate it to be honest. So in that sense I actually love how much I hate it.
Plus Coach O is an incompetent moron. I could see him scoring 21 points or less here and I also can’t imagine Kentucky is going to put up 30. Confirmed – I love this bet.
Notre Dame @ Virginia Tech MONEYLINE (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
I am placing this bet as a boycott against Notre Dame and a sign of support for my guy Zig. Me = Huge VT guy.
UCLA -16 @ Arizona (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
UCLA @ Arizona OVER 61 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
A pissed off UCLA fired up from a home loss to Big Herm? Yeah that sounds like a team that’s ready to beat the living piss out of Arizona.
Sidenote – I think this will be the first time I have touched an Arizona spread since the infamous 2019 live betting fiasco when me and Trav lost our minds and live bet Arizona against Hawaii for 59 minutes straight. All leading up to this utter BULLSHIT.
PARLAY #1 (+110) // RISK 2.0 to WIN 2.2
I will tank every unit I have left in my bank account. Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. I want to win a sweetheart teaser.
PS – keep your eyes on these 5 teams because you may see them again…
PARLAY #2 (+567) // RISK 1.5 to WIN 8.5
You know the drill at this point. One of my dumbass parlays will contain strictly moderate to heavy favorites and 2-3 of them will lose.
I’ll be back here again doing the same thing next week though!
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+10900) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 109.0
BY GOD THAT’S STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN’S THE 5 TEAMS FROM THE SWEETHEART PARLAY’S MUSIC!
Dare I say this is Cheat Carroll’s week!?
That’s all, folks. I have a great feeling about Week 6. Bet heavy and bet often.