RIP SNAKER’S DOZEN; IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED
It’s dead. The entire thing is dead. I suppose I should be thankful it took until Week 11 to die, but I don’t feel thankful at all. I’m depressed.
🏈 CFB WEEK 11 RECAP 🏈
PARLAY #1 (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
PARLAY #2 (+200) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.0
PARLAY #3 (+145) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.45
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+5950) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 59.5
There it is. I lost 11 units and went 0-4 on my parlays. As my good friend Happy Gilmore would ask…is that good??
Unfortunately for me, losing 11 units is absolutely not the same thing as hitting a golf ball 400 yards into your neighbors window. Confirmed – not good. And worse yet, that puts us into the red on the year. I have squandered what was once a net profit of 21 units. I am now in a 5-unit hole.
My thoughts on the games in no particular thought-out order:
Watching the finale of this game should have been a sign from god to cancel all my bets for the weekend. UNC got in a 17-point deficit early and stormed back to force OT. Pitt was the first to receive and it was at this point in time I became very concerned about holding a +6.5 ticket. Sure enough the Panthers scored 7 to start things off. And what ensued on the UNC possession was nothing short of a sign from the big man upstairs.
Whatever higher power makes it rain is clearly a Pitt fan.
— Coach Sobes (@sobeball) November 12, 2021
Blow a giant lead and then you know, Pittsburgh monsoon season just randomly happens.
If Narduzzi builds an ark, Nick Saban better sleep with one eye open. #PittvsUNC #narduzzisark pic.twitter.com/yI9baywsx9
Talk about a heartbreaker, girls. I had to re-watch this game due to my inebriation at the game, and upon further review it played out exactly as I recalled. Penn State dominated the first 20 minutes of this game and had a 3-0 lead to show for it. Maybe on second thought, the fake FG from the 2 wasn’t the best idea.
Penn State's first fake of the day worked.
— Big Ten Network (@BigTenNetwork) November 13, 2021
The second one did not.
No. 6 @UMichFootball takes over. pic.twitter.com/WqGokngfJY
My how quickly things change in college football. James Franklin went from the most coveted hire in the country to the PSU fanbase being indifferent if he leaves Penn State.
"Oh my fucking god." - James Franklin pic.twitter.com/BJkg5lPe3E
— Sam Cooper (@SamDCooper) November 13, 2021
Penn State caused me the most financial stress on the weekend, but Oklahoma wasn’t far behind. I missed them straight up, and they cost me 2 of my 4 parlays. I probably should have known better. Oklahoma insisted on proving that they weren’t that good for the first 10 weeks and yet I’m one of the idiots that believed in them.
“They’re undefeated, they’ll find a way to beat Baylor on the road.” -me
The only good thing that came out of my disastrous Week 11 was a reminder that Tom Allen and the boys are getting the shit kicked out of them on a weekly basis. A 38-3 asskicking from Rutgers? How do you come back from that?
Losing 11 units might actually be worth seeing that tryhard go winless in the Big Ten.
*Pretends to be shocked that Texas is on par with Kansas*
Friendly reminder that Texas’ pres-season win total was 8, and their best win this season is arguably against a Sun Belt team.
Onto Week 12. And good news – we have a rule update.
The Rules of Sports Gambling by Snaker’s Dozen:
Rule #1 – You are due.
Rule #2 – See Rule #1.
Rule #3 – When it starts to hurt, turn up the dial. More units. Also, see Rule #1.
Rule #4 – In the event of emergency, break glass.
I don’t know what the hell a gif of a chubby guy swinging a sledgehammer at glass is going to do, but holy hell I gotta try something. That Wilson football coach kicking the shit out of Danny clearly wasn’t getting the job done.
We need to right this ship, and we need to do it now.
CFB WEEK 12 WINNERS
Toledo @ Ohio OVER 54.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Western Michigan @ Eastern Michigan OVER 65.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Bowling Green @ Miami Ohio OVER 51.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Central Michigan -2.5 @ Ball State (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
Northern Illinois @ Buffalo OVER 59.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I should probably stop gambling on MACtion. I dug myself a huge hole by hammering the overs on Tuesday night and I needed a last-second miracle to cash 1 of the 3.
Thankfully I crawled back out of that hole on Wednesday, but like I said…I should probably stop risking money on this type of football and just enjoy it from the sidelines.
Air Force MONEYLINE @ Nevada (+105) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.05
Ever since I bought that Air Force t-shirt I consider myself a huge fan of the Falcons. I’d be stunned if they didn’t win on the road at Nevada on a Friday night.
Iowa State @ Oklahoma -4 (-100) // RISK 1.5 to WIN 1.5
I feel like Oklahoma owes me this one after what they did to me last week. Also, Matt Campbell continues to be the most overrated coach on the planet so I will continue betting against him. I love how if you are young-looking and put together a couple 7-win seasons at some shitty small school that automatically makes you a football genius. “He’s a players coach, they really like to play for him. Great recruiter too.”
No way Oklahoma crashes and burns two weeks in a row right?
Michigan State @ Ohio State OVER 68.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Michigan State @ Ohio State TEAM OVER 44.5 (-120) // RISK 1.2 to WIN 1.0
I’m sure you’ve heard this 1000 times by now, but Michigan State is giving up more passing yards per game than ANYONE IN THE COUNTRY.
Ohio State should be able to do whatever the hell Ohio State wants to do on offense here. I would not be surprised to see them score 8 TDs and I woudn’t be surprised if 6 of them come through the air.
Rutgers @ Penn State UNDER 46.5 (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
This has got PSU 17 – Rutgers 9 written all over it. Look for Penn State to come out flatter than the warm Busch Light that Travey drank off the bar back on Thanksgiving Eve ’18.
Texas @ West Virginia -3 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Why on earth would this game be a FG spread @ WVU? What has Texas done to deserve that small of a spread in a conference road game?
Oh shit, I forgot they beat up on Louisiana in Week 1.
Wake Forest @ Clemson MONEYLINE (-195) // RISK 1.95 to WIN 1.0
If I’ve said it once I’ll say it a thousand more times.
🔈CLEMSON DOESN’T COVER BUT THEY ALWAYS WIN CLOSE 🔈
Michigan @ Maryland UNDER 57 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I’m not a big “lock of the week” kinda guy, but if I was ever going to give out a lock of the week – this would be it.
That total appears to be about 10-15 points too high. I’ve watched both of these teams in recent weeks and there is 0 explosive offense going on here. I’ll be surprised if Maryland can score 10 points so Vegas is asking a lot of Michigan with that total. And yes, this is a total lookahead spot for Michigan.
Minnesota -7.5 @ Indiana (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
Indiana just lost by 90 to Rutgers. I don’t love their odds to cover 7.5 against Minnesota.
PS – Imagine if this was your favorite football team’s coach. Cringe city, USA.
I love this football team!! #LEO pic.twitter.com/NaeZ5n98U1
— Coach Tom Allen (@CoachAllenIU) December 6, 2020
SMU +334 @ Cincinnati (+334) // RISK 0.6 to WIN 2.0
I am so goddam tired of hearing about these Cincinnati tryhards. I’m going to root for SMU to beat them so they will shut the F up.
Has it occurred to anyone that if you need a bunch of sports fans to campaign for you to be a top-4 team “because it would be fun” then you are probably not a top-4 team? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.
General rule of thumb – if your stadium holds 40,000 people then I don’t need to see your team in the College Football Playoff.
UConn +30.5 @ UCF (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Let’s be serious – if you see a 30.5 point spread in a rivalry game then you take the goddam points.
UCF Coach Scott Frost on the "ConFLiCT" Trophy #CONNvsUCF pic.twitter.com/OY4DhJ9tky
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 6, 2017
UCLA @ USC OVER 65.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
It’s been some time since I jumped on the UCLA train. They are a bit difficult to trust at the moment so I’m more comfortable relying on this game heading for a shootout. Maybe that tool with the vertical eyeblack on USC will be running the air raid offense again.
Baylor MONEYLINE @ Kansas State (-105) // RISK 2.1 to WIN 2.0
I’ve never been so confused in my life. Why is Baylor an underdog to Kansas State? Baylor is good. Kansas State is Kansas State.
Clearly I’m missing some critical piece of information here. But I don’t care. I’ll ride with Baylor.
Oregon +3 @ Utah (+100) // RISK 2.5 to WIN 2.5
The Baylor line was confusing. This Oregon line is DISRESPECTFUL.
Oregon manhandled Ohio State on the road and you want me to believe they are a FG underdog to Utah?? Why? Because Utah fans have nothing better to do than scream at a football game and it’s going to be cold there? Wow. Sounds hostile. Oregon’s not going to know what hit em.
I was planning to take the ML but the fact that I’m getting 3 free points feels so dumb that I have to do it. Thank you in advance, Vegas.
Colorado State @ Hawaii OVER 54 (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
Colorado State @ Hawaii MONEYLINE (+115) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.15
PARLAY #1 (+600) // RISK 0.5 to WIN 3.0
Well, that was stupid. Good thing I’m going to hit my other 3 parlays.
PARLAY #2 (+1230) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 12.3
PARLAY #3 (+1570) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 15.7
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+19200) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 192.0
Week 12, please be the one.
