GOOD NEWS: I BROKE THE STREAK OF POINTLESS BREAKEVEN WEEKS
BAD NEWS: I GOT MILDLY ROCKED LAST WEEK
That’s right. I got mildly rocked in Week 10 and I’m not referencing the double digit ABV hazy ipas I was slugging while walking towards Maryland’s stadium.
Let’s take a look:
🏈 CFB WEEK 10 RECAP 🏈
PARLAY #1 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
PARLAY #2 (+250) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.5
PARLAY #3 (-115) // RISK 1.15 to WIN 1.0
PARLAY #4 (+233) // RISK 1.5 to WIN 3.5
PARLAY #5 (+105) // RISK 2.0 to WIN 2.1
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+10700) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 107.0
That hurts. 6 big ones down the drain and now I’m officially flirting with squandering my Season profits.
First and foremost before I look closer at last week’s games – I want to issue a Big-Time-F-You to Michigan State for costing me the 8-way Sweetheart Teaser.
Ok now we can look at the games.
My thoughts on the games in no particular thought-out order:
For me to sit here and say that I’m disappointed in myself for going 0/2 on MAC parlays to kick off the week would be insulting to everyone’s intelligence including my own. The phrase “MAC parlays” alone screams “I need help.”
Gambling on MACtion comes with the known risk that you only have about a 40% shot of hitting a 50/50 bet. That’s just the way it is. It makes sense if you don’t think about it.
Went with the 2-way Napier teaser for UL to cover and the game to go over. And I went 0/2.
Why do I do this to myself?
Oh and speaking of why do I do this to myself…
At this point I think it’s safe to say I have full control over the Virginia Tech football team. If I bet on them, they will lose and fail to cover with 100% certainty.
Another Penn State performance that leaves a lot to be desired. That being said, there’s few things more satisfying than watching a pick-6 in the final minutes to seal the cover. I debated rushing the field.
PENN STATE PICK-6 😤🔥
— FanSided (@FanSided) November 6, 2021
(via @CFBONFOX)pic.twitter.com/I5KNoWfXKB
Also I’ve never seen anything like this Jahan Dotson stuff. He was making Maryland’s defensive backs look like they would be second string on a middle school roster.
Filthy double move from Jahan Dotson 🔥
— Onward State (@OnwardState) November 6, 2021
pic.twitter.com/DCuFxxWv8G
JAHAN DOTSON 86 YARDS TO THE HOUUUUUSE 💨💨💨 pic.twitter.com/A09CPIu6Y6
— 247Sports (@247Sports) November 6, 2021
I cannot believe this game came down to the wire. Actually scratch that, I can believe it came down to the wire. But I can’t believe LSU had a legitimate chance to win this game late (and multiple chances at that).
Alabama ultimately held on but that was entertaining as hell to watch Nick Saban lose his mind several times down the stretch.
Nick Saban really wanted targeting called on Jay Ward here. Can’t say I agree. Refs didn’t either. pic.twitter.com/Jtx2o006RA
— Jeff Nowak (@Jeff_Nowak) November 7, 2021
PS – I can’t find any evidence online, but I swear to god I saw Clay Travis on my TV Saturday morning on FS1 and somebody asked him for his favorite bet of the week and he said “Alternate line Alabama -38.” Quite possibly the most incorrect sports bet of all time. He was only off by a cool 32 points.
WATCH: Fox Sports' @ClayTravis tells @BrookeBCNN the two things he cares about are "the first amendment and boobs.."
— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 15, 2017
via @ShaianNavaei pic.twitter.com/0mLHz5m6A2
Michigan State you sick SOB. I guess I should probably take some blame for my lack of situational awareness and the Purdue-always-beating-ranked-teams-factor.
I’m a little bit bummed that I didn’t get to watch this game. Upon checking the box score I was stunned to see UNC only threw for 216 yards and ironically pounded the rock 53 times.
PSA: If you get the ball run on you 53 times and manage to lose, that might qualify for an automatic D-Coordinator firing.
I don’t care how sloppy it looks, Clemson wins every week (except for the 3 weeks they didn’t) and they win close. I need to continue to capitalize on this trend.
Any week folks. Any week Texas is going to get this thing going! I can practically taste how BACK Texas is. This program is GELLING.
* Football post-game bus rides home with the boys >>> *
Oh hell yeah, we’ve got ourselves a clip of Texas’ defensive line coach screaming on the team bus after the loss to Iowa State pic.twitter.com/S1oLsZfPmk
— Unnecessary Roughness (@UnnecRoughness) November 9, 2021
I might use that speech as the motivational video this week.
Consider me a mothafucka that is NOT getting into the transfer portal. I’m the type of mothafucka to stare adversity right in the face and STAY ON THIS BUS. I’m not afraid of Bovada. I’m here to make money.
Cue to rules! And re-cue the Wilson football coach!!!
The Rules of Sports Gambling by Snaker’s Dozen:
Rule #1 – You are due.
Rule #2 – See Rule #1.
Rule #3 – When it starts to hurt, turn up the dial. More units. Also, see Rule #1.
I’m running it back with Coach Cantafio and Danny. No shot in hell I lose twice in a row with that kind of motivation behind my picks.
🏈 CFB WEEK 11 WINNERS 🏈
Buffalo @ Miami Ohio OVER 57 (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
MACtion is back and I had a hell of a time not putting my 401k on this OVER. Buffalo’s defense Sucks with a capital S and both of these teams are going to chuck.
Also I love the element of the 9th year QB at Buffalo going toe-to-toe with Blaine Gabbert’s little brother (also in his 9th year and at his 4th school).
UNC +6.5 @ Pitt (-120) // RISK 2.4 to WIN 2.0
I know at this point in the season I should stop believing in UNC and start believing in Pitt. But I’m still livid over the Pitt loss to Miami and I’m convinced they are not a TD better than UNC.
It’s Friday night lights in Pittsburgh. I believe in you, Sam. Don’t let me down.
Michigan @ Penn State MONEYLINE (-110) // RISK 4.4 to WIN 4.0
I can practically hear that ESPN fatass “The Bear” generating some sort of stat or trend that favors Michigan in this game (probably because he hates Penn State). Take his advice and wipe your ass with it.
The only stat you need to know is a Snaker’s Dozen Research Dept. Exclusive. As it turns out, the home team in this matchup wins the game 1000.00% of the time and they typically win easily. Don’t overthink this.
Miss State @ Auburn UNDER 50 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Two good defenses and the QBs feature Bo Nix and and Will Rogers. Given those guys inconsistent play, I suppose this game could turn into a shootout. But I feel more comfortable putting my money on the outcome where they both turn the ball over a couple times.
Also, we know that if MSST has to attempt a field goal they will miss it.
Miss State kickers missed three field goals against Arkansas, so Mike Leach announces open tryouts to be the Bulldogs’ new kicker. pic.twitter.com/wHfNt7hWfs
— Mason Choate (@ChoateMason) November 7, 2021
Northwestern @ Wisconsin UNDER 41 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Northwestern. Wisconsin. 11am local kick.
I like this game at Under 31. It’s at 41. What am I missing?
Houston -24.5 @ Temple (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
Temple has been getting the ever-living shit beat out of it. Houston is on a mission to trick people into thinking they are a Top-25 team. I see no reason why a 4-td deficit is out of the question.
Oklahoma -5.5 @ Baylor (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I’m not sure if Baylor got caught looking ahead last week, but the point stands: they lost to TCU.
I’m also starting to get irritated about people thinking there are 9 or 10 teams better than Oklahoma. I don’t give a shit how bad they look, if they are winning games week in and week out in P5 football, they are a good team. I think this is a flex opportunity for the Sooners and I could see them chucking the ball deep into into 4th quarter if they have a lead. I think the backdoor cover will be there if we need it.
Minnesota +7.5 @ Iowa (-130) // RISK 1.3 to WIN 1.0
I haven’t put money on Mr. Hot Tub Time Machine in a minute. Thank god he’s playing Iowa this week so I get the chance to do so.
And If you don’t think Fleck is going to treat this game (against a criminally overrated Iowa team that nobody gives a shit about) like the Super Bowl, you’re insane.
USC -2 @ Cal (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
This game is cancelled, but I am positive I would have won this bet. I should really think about giving myself a free unit on this one 🤔🤔🤔
Game Update for Cal Football vs USC this Saturday.
— Cal Athletics (@CalAthletics) November 9, 2021
full release: https://t.co/xtbBSpE4WI pic.twitter.com/qwvjse8iRY
PS – * the year is 2027. Cal has just postponed its 3rd game of its season because some of their players have an asymptomatic virus that showed up during voluntary testing. Dr. Fauci says “we simply do not know enough about this virus yet and we must be careful.” *
Maryland @ Michigan State -13 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
After watching Maryland in-person last week, I was less than impressed. Penn State’s offense played poorly with the exception of one guy and still managed to cover. If MSU has an ounce of pride (“DO YA DANNY!?”) they will win this game by 14+ on their home field.
Purdue +20 @ Ohio State (-110) // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
I’m the first guy to drink the Ohio State koolaid on a yearly basis, and generally hate betting against them. But I am going to feel like an all-time dumb dumb if Purdue keeps this thing close and I failed to get in on it. 20 points is a shit ton.
Arizona State -6 @ Washington // RISK 2.2 to WIN 2.0
BREAKING: UW offensive coordinator John Donovan has been fired. Wide receivers coach Junior Adams will serve as interim offensive coordinator and play-caller. Quality control analyst Payton McCollum has been upgraded to quarterbacks coach: https://t.co/oubHZou7qG
— Mike Vorel (@mikevorel) November 7, 2021
Color me shocked!
Washington has been atrocious all year despite what the journos are trying to convince you of. “The offense is starting to turn things around.” WRONG. This team has been spiraling and “Mr. Inexplicable Job Hire” finally got what he had coming.
Sweet 1995 offense you are running brotha, hope some high school team has fun with it.
PS – yes I’m aware of the Scott Frost news, but I’m requesting my privacy at this time. Let me celebrate with the Donovan news for this week.
Texas A&M @ Ole Miss OVER 55.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
I really don’t want anything to do with this game, but it’s too intruging not to have a little action on.
Kiffin hasn’t been involved in a 60 point game since that shootout with Ole Miss over a month ago.
Maybe he’s due…?
Arkansas -2 @ LSU (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
When I think about what LSU did last week I picture a UFC fighter gassing himself out in the first round going all-in on securing a KO. I’m putting my money on LSU going back into “who gives a shit” mode and I LOVE that I can get Arkansas by less than a FG.
NC State @ Wake Forest OVER 66.5 (-110) // RISK 1.1 to WIN 1.0
If you told me NCST has the greatest defense in the country I would not care. I see Wake Forest and I immediately think track meet.
Washington State @ Oregon -13 (-125) // RISK 1.25 to WIN 1.0
For goodness sake Oregon, it’s time to win a game with ease. If I don’t see a 3rd string QB handing off to a backup RB in the 4th quarter then I’m going to be very dissapointed.
Air Force @ Colorado State (-150) // RISK 1.5 to WIN 1.0
I scooped up an Air Force shirt online the other day just for shits and giggles. If that’s not a sign that AFA is going to win this game, then I don’t know what is.
PARLAY #1 (-105) // RISK 1.05 to WIN 1.0
I’m back on the MACtion Tuesday night parlays (and that’s because I am a dumbass).
PARLAY #2 (+200) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 2.0
I’m taking a new strategy this week and I’m going to string together a list of teams that I WANT to win. For one reason or another I want to see these 5 teams win in my heart this week. And you know what they say, always gamble with your heart, not your head.
PARLAY #3 (+145) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 1.45
I really should be keeping track of my record on this Sweetheart Parlay thing. If I had to guess, I’m probably about 2-5 on the year.
The good news is USC and Cal got axed so that’s one leg down!
LONGSHOT CHEAT CARROLL ‘WHY NOT US’ PARLAY (+5950) // RISK 1.0 to WIN 59.5
Probably my favorite move with the Cheat Carroll Parlay is to take the Sweetheart Parlay and untease it. And you know what’s better than that? MONEYLINES.
That’s all folks. I need a bounceback and I need it BAD. Let’s have ourselves a week.