DID EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD TIME THIS YEAR? EVERYBODY ENJOY THEMSELVES?
Those gifs are me. All of em. Week in and week out. This is what I do to myself. Not sure why I do it, but this is what I do to myself.
Nonetheless, the dust has settled. Let’s assess the damage.
I hate to bitch and moan, but I’m definitely going to do some bitching and moaning during this recap. I somehow managed to get myself back within striking distance of breaking even and I COMPLETELY BUNGLED IT!
Actually, I didn’t complete bungle it. Because as you’re going to find out – I had this championship game pegged. I nailed it. I knew exactly how it would play out….with one small exception*
*the exception being that I had no idea Ryan Day was incompetent
We’ll dive into that matter a little later on. Let’s break this down bet-by-bet.
CFP CHAMPIONSHIP THOUGHTS:
Ohio State vs. Alabama -7 // RISK 7.2 TO WIN 6 // WINNER
NAILED IT. NO DOUBT.
Alabama wins handily outscoring the Buckeyes by 28. Literally everything I predicted about this game came to fruition. Ohio State’s atrocious pass defense couldn’t slow down 1 guy, let alone the entire Alabama offense. It never even looked difficult for Mac Jones.
Imagine having 10+ days to draw up a defensive scheme with the sole intention of making sure Devonta Smith doesn’t embarrass you and your god-awful “star” cornerback just for this to happen in the first half:
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
No-doubter.
Ohio State vs. Alabama OVER 75 // RISK 4.4 TO WIN 4 // WINNER
There was nearly 1000 yards of offense in this game. Again – I never broke a sweat on this bet. Alabama was literally scoring at will and Ohio State had the better quarterback on the field. So it should have been a no-doubter right? Well, not quite. It won by a single point despite the fact that it was never really in jeopardy. For an explanation of how this could be possible please refer to the above comment about Ryan Day being a moron. But I’ll expand on this more in a little bit.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
This was nearly a no-doubter.
Ohio State vs. Alabama OVER 80 // RISK 2 TO WIN 3 // LOSER
I can’t believe I had to mark this as a loser. I simply can not believe it. For everything mentioned above – this bet NEVER should have lost. It was on pace for 104 points at halftime. Thank god Ryan Day got things figured out in the locker room and made his halftime adjustments. Check out this leaked OSU halftime footage!
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: NO
If you bet this game under 80, you were absolutely, positively incorrect.
Alabama TEAM TOTAL OVER 38.5 // RISK 3 TO WIN 2 // WINNER
If the spread was a no-doubter, I guess that would make this a Billy Mays GUARAN-DAMN-TEE!
(I can’t remember if Billy Mays used to guarantee shit or not. Maybe I’m thinking of that “You’re going to like the way you look, I guarantee it” suit guy.)
But seriously…how easy was this bet?
OH MY DEVONTA SMITH 🤯
— ESPN (@espn) January 12, 2021
That makes THREE TOUCHDOWNS for the Heisman winner 🔥 pic.twitter.com/u9qpKEKnTC
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Unequivocally yes.
Ohio State TEAM TOTAL OVER 33.5 // RISK 2.1 TO WIN 2 // LOSER
Finally. Is it obvious that I’ve been dying to talk about this one?
I will never get over the fact that Ohio State lost by 4 touchdowns and attempted 29 rushes. The RBs averaged 3.5 yards per carry. Their leading rusher was the most dynamic quarterback in all of college football. Somehow, some way Ryan Day decided to only let him throw the ball 33 times. 33 times. He should have attempted 33 passes in the first goddam half.
At what point in the game did Ryan Day come to the realization that kicking field goals and trying to control the clock wasn’t going to win the game? I’ll answer that – never. Apparently he’s the only guy in the entire stadium that didn’t realize he was going to have to score 40 or 50 points in order to win. He thought his defense was going to go toe-to-toe with Alabama’s offense in a stalemate.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: MAYBE
Being that I came up nearly 10 points short I will give an inch here. I still think Ohio State should have managed to score 5 touchdowns. That’s really not asking for much when the other team is jogging up and down the field on you. And hell, OSU might have got to 35 if it wasn’t for all of the midfield punts and settling for that early field goal. But this bet missed by 2 scores. So I have to admit I wasn’t correct.
Winning Margin: Alabama by 13-18 // RISK 1 TO WIN 6.8 // LOSER
There’s a reason I made this play and it was because I was concerned the score might end up near 60 to 45. I was sort of on the right track here. I even bought myself a little insurance with the next one in case Bama really showed up to play (which they did).
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Winning Margin: Alabama by 19-24 // RISK 1 TO WIN 9 // LOSER
Here’s where I get livid. Like I’ve said several times now…I NAILED THIS GAME. I took 9:1 odds in the event that Bama pulled away in the second half and that’s exactly what happened. As the game progressed, I was 100% positive that either this bet or the one above would win, I just wasn’t sure which one.
And then as the contest neared a conclusion – I watched Ryan Day craft up a masterful 17 play, 4-TD-deficit drive that featured a 1st and goal from the Alabama 6. I thought to myself, “Ok perfect. These idiots have 4 chances to get 6 yards and I will cash this bet.”
And as fate would have it, they fire 4 straight incomplete passes to turn the ball over on downs.
NOW HERE’S WHERE I TAKE ISSUE.
I watched Ohio State score on 3rd and 6. I watched Chris Olave catch a pass with his own two hands and his own one foot in bounds and I watched it with my own two eyes.
Video. pic.twitter.com/HR5ufFtcaK
— Terry McAulay (@SNFRules) January 12, 2021
As I watched that in real time I actually had this exact thought: “I hope that ref was paying attention to both of his feet because the one looked like it was in by a mile.”
And wouldn’t you know it…the dispshit at the endline was staring at his right foot which landed out of bounds. And he COULDN’T WAIT to signal ‘incompletion.’ He didn’t give two shits that his other foot was in bounds.
My initial wave of rage was quickly cooled by thoughts of “oh thank god” when the replay officials decided to take a closer look at this irrelevant play. Because let’s be real…if you are going to stop a game that’s this out of hand you wouldn’t dare have the balls to waste all of your viewers’ time and not change the call. Clearly you must have noticed that the ref on the field blew it. Let’s go to the replay official:
There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, I hate more in watching sports than the group of officials who get a call incorrect TWICE. First they screw it up on the field and then they spend a bunch of time reviewing it before announcing “the ruling on the field stands.” That is so freaking dumb. I’d say it’s even dumber than the announcer who unnecessarily explains that the refs need ‘indisputable video evidence’ to overturn something. Hey Troy Aikman, we got it buddy. I had the process down in 2013, you don’t need to keep explaining it to me.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: NO
That meaningless score that the refs were too lazy to fix would have put the final margin at 21 points. Therefore this game was a 21 point game.
Winning Margin: Ohio State by 7-12 // RISK 1 TO WIN 12 // LOSER
It’s called insurance for a reason. You pay for it in the event of a disaster, but that day will never come. Therefore you might as well just light your money on fire and cancel that insurance policy. (Please don’t do that.)
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
This had no chance.
Total Points Range: Between 31-40 // RISK 1 TO WIN 33 // LOSER
See above metaphor about lighting money on fire for insurance plays.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
This also had no chance.
Double Result: Tie/Alabama // RISK 0.5 TO WIN 7.5 // LOSER
I think there was a period of about 5 minutes in real time where I thought Ohio State was going to attempt to keep up by scoring points (silly me). I actually thought to myself – wow this could be tied at half! But life comes at you quick:
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Longest TD Yardage in the Game: UNDER 67.5 YDS // RISK 2.5 TO WIN 2 // WINNER
The longest TD in this game (by far) was 44 yards. Ea$y Money.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Total Interceptions Thrown by Mac Jones OVER 0.5 // RISK 1 TO WIN 1 // LOSER
I claimed that if Mac Jones threw the ball 31 times I’d get an interception. As it turns out I am dumb. But he did fumble….so I’d like to ask for partial credit on this one.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Total Rushing Yards by Mac Jones UNDER 9.5 // RISK 2.4 TO WIN 2 // LOSER
I might be more upset about losing this one than I am on the Alabama winning margin. Mac Jones running for 11 yards is complete horseshit. The guy had two of the longest scrambles in his life. A career day running the ball and he finishes with 4 carries for 11 yards. F THAT.
To add insult to injury he was only sacked once, and then Bryce Young came in to kneel the ball at the end of the game. God I hate gambling.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: NO
If you had the Mac Jones over on rushing yards you should send your money back to the bookie. You were wildly incorrect. This is complete fraud.
Total Completions by Justin Fields OVER 21.5 // RISK 2.4 TO WIN 2 // LOSER
Not sure how many times I have to say it, but the 2nd greatest QB in the nation was only given the opportunity to throw 33 passes despite losing by 28 points. Have I beat the “Ryan Day is a moron” dead horse enough yet?
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: NO
He should have attempted 50 passes at a minimum. And I assume he could have handled a 44% completion rate. This should have gone well over the number.
John Metchie to Have 2+ Touchdowns and Alabama to Win // RISK 1.5 TO WIN 7.8 // LOSER
John Metchie actually had a pretty nice game. But it’s kind of hard to reach this stat line when your teammate is scoring at will and your opponent is trying to burn the game clock (for some unknown reason).
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
John Metchie to Have 150+ Yards and 2+ Touchdowns // RISK 0.5 TO WIN 8.5 // LOSER
I mean my Metchie bets weren’t great. But you also can’t say they totally sucked. Smith didn’t play in the 2nd half. I was in the right church, but wrong pew.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
First Score of the Game: Ohio State FG // RISK 0.5 TO WIN 4.5 // LOSER
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
First Score of the Game: Alabama FG // RISK 0.5 TO WIN 4 // LOSER
I actually had a pretty good crack at this one. Alabama’s first drive stalled to 4th down. The problem was that it was 4th & Goal from the 1 yard line.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Nick Saban: Confirmed not an idiot. This game was never about field goals. Unless you need to gain 10 yards – you should be going for it in the red zone.
Odd/Even Total Points: ODD // RISK 1.2 TO WIN 1 // LOSER
I hate to bring up that blown call touchdown catch again, but that would have done the trick. Instead of 52-31 I got stuck with 52-24. And that, my friends, is garbage.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: NO
Does anybody need to see it again?
Video. pic.twitter.com/HR5ufFtcaK
— Terry McAulay (@SNFRules) January 12, 2021
Team to Get First Penalty: Ohio State // RISK 1.2 TO WIN 1 // WINNER
Although I was incorrect about the first penalty being an Ohio State defensive holding, I was correct about the first penalty going against Ohio State. Ea$y Money.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Team to Call First Timeout: Alabama // RISK 1.2 TO WIN 1 // LOSER
I’m so disappointed we didn’t get this for the first timeout of the game:
Let’s cure my dissapointment with a throwback to when Nick Saban got bashed in the side of the head with the 50 pound full gatorade cooler.
Has anybody ever been that pissed while clinching a National Championship?
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: MAYBE
CHEAT CARROLL PARLAY // RISK 2 TO WIN 42 // LOSER
Trey Sermon bowing out of the game on the first play put a fork in this one immediately. You know the old phrase: Live by the Cheat Carroll Parlay, die by the Cheat Carroll Parlay.
- Chris Olave to have 1+ TDs (-200) – LOSS
- Garrett Wilson to have 1+ TDs (+100) – WIN
- DeVonta Smith to have 2+ TDs (-200) – WIN
- John Metchie to have 1+ TDs (-111) – LOSS
- Trey Sermon to have 1+ TDs (-333) – LOSS
- Mac Jones to have 4+ Passing TDs (-143) – WIN
- Justin Fields to have 3+ Passing TDs (-156) – LOSS
(+2100 Odds)
Why not us? Apparently because we suck at this, Cheat. That’s why it’s not us.
DID THE CORRECT SIDE WIN: YES
Welp….I guess this is it. Let me wipe the tears out of my eyes real quick…
Just kidding that’s not me. I’m reusing Dollar Tree tissues over here. I have no dollar bills to wipe my tears with. Oh what a difference one blown call in the National Championship Game can make. And it wasn’t for a lack of effort on my part. I asked. Terry just never got back to me.
The incompetence of whoever thought this wasn't a touchdown cost me 17.2 units. Who should I be writing a letter to?
— Brian Deegan (@snigg_mct) January 12, 2021
So that’s it folks. The last week of the year comes to a conclusion in a similar fashion to how every other week this season ended for me…..painful.
BUT – there’s always next year. I’ll have a year of experience under my belt heading into Week 0 of next season. I’m basically like a returning starter at this point. With the Snaker’s Dozen gambling experience and leadership I CAN’T imagine us putting together another losing season. WE WILL BE BACK.
LAST WEEK: -6.8 units
SEASON: -31.0 units
(SEASON RECORD: 75-119-3)