I hope you all have a safe, splendid, and joyful holiday with your families (or roommates if you are in your 20s and not traveling home).
Please take a moment to enjoy the greatest Christmas moment ever captured on camera.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Where to begin? So much greatness. You could almost classify this 2 minute video as a….dare I say it…Christmas Miracle.
MY TOP TEN
10. The crowd
Say what you will about the low-budget event coordination, this man can draw a crowd. There was like 50 people standing around him at one point during the video.
9. “You got shot?”
How about this camera guy? Did he just get back from the Iraq war? He didn’t give two shits about this guys immediate safety after he got freaking SHOT. He asked that question the way I’d ask my roommate if he got the mail today.
“You got shot? Oh cool.” *continues filming*
8. The wave
We don’t get to see much, but we get a quick taste of that wave and I’ll tell you what – this guy is a pro. That wave combined with that stride? This guy could be a politician as soon as he gets out of the hospital.
Honestly – it only makes sense that someone shot him. They probably saw that JFK swagger and involuntarily raised a firearm to the window and took aim.
7. The kid
It’s subtle. You probably didn’t even notice it. But this kid (man?) and this cup has me questioning everything I know. Is that a 7 year old kid with a dunkin donuts coffee? Is that a 7 year old kid boozing? Off the lean? Or is that just a 40 year old dude enjoying a Saturday morning adult beverage on the sidewalk (I’ve been there countless times myself)?
6. “OW OW OW OW OW”
This guy is so goddam good at his job that he’s still being santa even while suffering from indescribable pain. That “ow ow ow ow” might has well have been “ho ho ho ho.”
5. The OH-SHIT moment
The look right before he assessed the situation. When he shot this look to the cameraman – you knew shit was about to go down (or had already gone down). His face might as well say “Can you believe that son of a bitch with the pellet gun shot me in the back?”
4. The outfit
Great gear. Tremendous gear. That’s not your $20 mall santa outfit. This man did some online shopping. Head to toe he is DRIPPING santa.
3. “They’re shooting, they’re shooting, they’re shooting” at the 1:05 mark
I’m fascinated by the way he says “they’re shooting” repeatedly in that 100% identical tone of voice. It almost sounds like a video game. I could listen to that on loop for 24 hours straight with my jaw dropped the entire time.
I also admire his determination to keep everyone who has rushed to his assistance safe from additional ongoing bullets. Personally, if that was me and I had already been shot, I’d continue to let those people huddle around me while the shots continued to ring out. The shooter has to run out of pellets eventually.
2. The sell
This guy’s delivery is UNBELIEVABLE. Is he a trained professional actor? How about that slumped over posture? I’ve never owned a pellet gun. I’ve never shot a pellet gun. I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen a pellet gun. As a kid I did own one of those lever-action BB guns. And I assumed a pellet gun was a step down from a BB gun…but after seeing this video….OBVIOUSLY it’s not. A pellet gun must be 1000 times more powerful than a BB gun. Watch this progression starting with the first “AH” around the 6-second mark.
“Ah. AHH. AHHH. Somebody just shot me. AH. Somethin in my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. AH. Somethin in my back, my back, my back. Oh they shot me with a pellet gun. Ah. AH. AHHHH. AHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Muh back…”
PS – as I was replaying this scene over and over to myself (while laughing) my girlfriend goes “That’s annoying. Whatever it is that you’re listening to…”
So apparently people getting shot in the back are “annoying.”
1. The diagnosis
I know I’ve assigned this guy several occupations at this point, but maybe he should consider being a detective as well? How on earth did he determine the weapon type that quickly?
“My back. Something in my back. Somebody shot me with a pellet gun.”
“That’s a pellet gun. Someones shootin.”