Hey brothaaaas, how was your weekend?? We’re back at the landfill and it’s time to drop off a little more garbage. I’m telling you guys, this Garbage Dump stuff is almost therapeutic in a way. Let’s get right into it.
“Wow, this is garbage.” Ok I haven’t seen Despicable Me aside from the first one that came out like 10 years ago, but if that isn’t the voice of Steve Carell then I don’t want to live on this earth anymore. Please tell me that’s Michael Scott. Ok, now let’s get into it.
Honking at Someone
I guess this would qualify as a pet peeve. I completely understand that honking is a very minor action, but I get red hot whenever I hear someone hammer their car horn. It’s so fucking stupid. “So stupid it doesn’t make any sense!” Literally everyone makes mistakes while driving. I can’t fathom thinking I am superior enough to scold someone by honking at them. If someone bumped into you walking through a grocery store would you scream at them and flip them off point blank to their face?
I don’t know about you guys, but when someone does this to me my natural response is to retaliate by exacerbating whatever issue the person who honked seemingly has with me. “Oh I sat at the light for an extra second once it turned green and you laid on the horn at me? Ok, allow me to sit here for an extra three seconds so you can suffer a little more.” Even if I have already started to advance through the intersection I’ll literally come to a complete stop again. And I’ll stare in the mirror hoping to catch a glance of the person who thinks of themself as that fucking important that their day can be destroyed by a few seconds at a stoplight.
I am actually so serious about this honking thing that I’d go as far to say that there is ALMOST NEVER a reason to honk at someone. I think I’ve used my horn once in my life and it was to alert the car in front of me that was merging into an occupied lane at 80 mph on an interstate that he was about to hit someone. That is the only example I can think of that a car horn was put to good use. If you aren’t potentially saving a life then don’t honk the goddam horn.
In conclusion, I’d say if you honk at someone for a trivial matter such as not turning on red, missing a turn signal, or texting at a red light then the honkee is fully within their rights to exit their vehicle and stab the honker (to critical condition, not death).
Credit Cards with the Chip
This 1cm by 1cm son of a bitch has caused me more pain and frustration than watching my NFL team lose for 27 years straight. What on gods green earth was the point of inventing this thing? What happened to the golden rule of ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?’ We’re all sliding and swiping our cards just fine and then some scam artist over at Visa decides he’d like to upgrade his yacht and invents a “security chip.” Security?? If it’s so secure then why does Bank of America mail me a new card every 3 months claiming that my information may have been compromised?
As a survivor of identity theft, I can honestly tell you that I’d rather go through another full blown round of IRS tax fraud than have to insert this thing into the card reader at 7/11 four times in a row. Has anyone else noticed a recent uptick in the idiots behind the convenience store counter saying “Sorry man this card reader has been acting up lately, it’s not your fault.”? Oh great the guy behind the reggie must have a degree in computer science. Sounds good man! When I hear that explanation from the guy running the reggie it makes me want to get candid and reply with “Look bud I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s not your card reader. Unless every card reader in the world is malfunctioning, then I’m sure it’s just the wear and tear on that stupid ass gold chip. Because my card doesn’t work anywhere.”
I’m sorry but this thing is complete and utter garbage. I have the contactless paywave feature on another credit card and that technology compared to this chip is night and day. Tap it on the card terminal and slip it back into your wallet. Flawless and effortless. You know what – I’m going to draw a line in the sand right now. If the next card Bank of America sends me doesn’t have contactless pay thing built into it then I’m hitting the free agency market. Sup, Citigroup?
Associating the American Flag with Racism
Maybe I should have saved this topic for my ‘hot take’ folder, but I’m a few double IPAs deep and I feel it is my duty to put this out there. Perhaps this is a personal problem, but it SUCKS that when I see someone flying a huge American flag nowadays my first thought is “I wonder if that guy is a racist.”
When you saw that above image what was your initial reaction? I genuinely hope I am wrong with my interpretation, but like 3/4 of me thinks “damn that’s pretty cool” and the other 1/4 of me has now become worried that it might offend somebody. Fuck that noise. The American flag should get the blood flowing for anyone that lives here. And it bums me out that some people don’t feel any sense of pride when they see it.
What’s weird is that I don’t always recall having that reaction to it. I haven’t spent enough time being alive to make an enlightened judgement, but I’d wager that this is possibly the most divisive time period in modern American history. Put the blame wherever you want to, but the fact is that everyone who invests themselves into politics gets straight up TRIGGERED when confronted with the slightest difference of opinion.
So am I here to bitch about an issue and not provide a solution? NOPE. I don’t bring this subject up just to pour gasoline on the fire. It’s not like I work for the mainstream media. In fact, I don’t work for anyone right now (I’m literally unemployed at the time of writing this). I come to the table bearing gifts in the form of realistic solutions.
There is no doubt in my mind that there is a group of legitimately racist people who have tried to take ownership of the American flag and use it as a symbol of white superiority. But why do we have to let those people win? What do they represent, 5% of America? If the Ku Klux Klan decided that their favorite flavor of ice cream was Panda Paws would you just avoid eating Panda Paws for the rest of your life? Hell no. You wouldn’t do that because those little reese’s cups things are the best. And also because you can differentiate an ice cream flavor from an asinine ideology.
My solution? Take back the American flag. If you are pissed off about the current state of the country and unhappy with the existing policies or institutions then I want you to get straight up obnoxious about the American flag. Buy the biggest effing flag you can find on amazon and then buy another one, stitch them together and hang it up. Racial injustice, police brutality, education reform, government spending, etc. Whatever issue you have, you need to fly that shit outside your house and make sure it DWARFS your next door neighbors flag who is currently refraining from watching all sports.
Imagine if Colin Kaepernick decided to dress up in full blown American flag attire and belt out the words to the national anthem with his hand in a salute position. It would break the brain of the entire population of 50+ year old “I don’t watch the NFL anymore” guys.
Seriously how cool would it be if Lebron James strolled out onto the court in an American flag warmup jersey? Rocked a stars and stripes nike headband during the game and then did his postgame interview in one of those “back-to-back world war champs shirts.” Just kidding about that last part lol. Can I go ahead and nominate everyone who owns one of those world war champs tank tops for Tool of the Week from now until the end of time? Those guys absolutely suck and I do not suggest anyone engage in that stupidity. We’re talking flags only here.
But honestly, what would your war veteran grandfather do if he saw Lebron James on tv decked out in American flag shit discussing Black Lives Matter? I could be dead wrong, but do you think he’d be more or less likely to listen to what he had to say than if Lebron kneeled during the national anthem?
Call me ignorant, call me privileged. Maybe my idea totally sucks. But it sounds better than letting a vocal minority take ownership of a symbol that used to provide some unity.
Also one last thing – I have to put this on here again because it makes me laugh every time. “My brother is a firefighter!! He watched 9/11 on television!”
Bill Burr on Colin Kaepernick 😂🤣#PaperTiger pic.twitter.com/ROriIhijF1
— D.Graves (@_dGRAVES) September 13, 2019