Jesus H Christ this might be video of the century, not just year. My buddy sent me this on Thursday morning and I have watched it no less than 20 times. I have also laughed at it no less than 20 times.
This murdered me pic.twitter.com/aneUbvWIxh
— nate (@worldstarwizer) July 27, 2020
It doesn’t seem possible that a 17-second video could generate that much greatness without being scripted, produced, and acted by Hollywood’s best. But somehow, some way, I think this is a legitimate encounter between a fully grown adult and a college-aged kid. After some digging, I was able to locate the original source, which is a much longer video. For now, I just want to analyze these 17 seconds of beauty. And what better way to break it down than with a ranked top 5 10 17 (there’s too much here to not go for one every second).
#17 – Him Being in the Middle of the Road
By all accounts that man is walking in the middle of the road. There’s no denying it. And that’s a weird thing to do. The video starts with the kid getting off to a one-point lead.
#16 – The Footwear
It’s such a wildcard. Is he going over to his aunts house for a picnic or did he take the jet skis out this morning? Most of that get-up says jet skis, but him seemingly by himself without a trailer on that far truck has me a bit thrown off. He strikes me as more of a boots and cargo shorts guy. Guys who wear sandals like that aren’t typically threatening to beat other people into the ground. I know that because I am a guy that wears sandals like that.
#15 – The Shades + Shirt Combo
I found myself heavily distracted from the video while I was trying to determine if those were Oakley sunglasses or not. It seems impossible that they wouldn’t be, but I’ll be damned if there’s a legible “O” on those glasses. And then the ironic part is the SHIRT is Oakley. I need to know whether that is a coordinated outfit and I’d be willing to pay to find out.
#14 – The Neighborhood
That looks like the last place on earth you should be squaring up. There’s an infinite amount of houses they are in plain sight of. I feel like even during regular work hours you are looking at 5+ witnesses. And judging by the small town suburban feel there probably hasn’t been a fight on that street since 1990. You’re essentially begging for the cops to be called.
#13 – The Posture/Walk
Something about that walk kills me. The hunched shoulders and the protruding neck nodding along as he strides towards you with the swagger and smoothness of an acrobat.
#12 – The Gold Chain
Very, very subtle but if you catch it at just the right moment you’ll get a glance of the chain. Idk why this caught me so off guard. After reviewing the tape with my buddy who sent me this I asked him whether this fella appeared to be a “gold chain guy.” He fired back with “Brother he’s wearing blue motor cross glasses and an Oakley tshirt you don’t think he wears a gold chain? Looks like a goddamn cartoon character.” Case open and closed. Gold chain guy.
#11 – The Refusal to Leave the Scene
Credit where credit is due this crazy SOB will not let you get the best of him verbally. Every time you think he’s done he turns back around for more. His truck door is literally wide open with his wallet is probably sitting on the seat and he couldn’t be less concerned. You CANNOT get the last word in with this guy. He doesn’t care if it blows up his entire schedule for the day. Skip lunch, miss work, leave his kids at the daycare all night – HE WILL NOT WALK AWAY until you are silent.
#10 – The Goatee
Is that not the most discreet goattee of all time? You legimately can’t tell this guy has facial hair until he’s within 2′ of you. It’s like he invented a spinoff version where it’s “business from 10′ away, party from up in your grill.”
#9 – The Truck
The most, and I emphasize THE MOST predictable part of this video is the vehicle that guy owns. Dodge Ram was the heavy favorite at -2000 and the next best odds were on Ford Raptor at +300. It’s also hilarious that not only is HE in the middle of the street, but he’s also parked his truck in the middle of the street. Like he’s a cop that has just pulled someone over and whipped his front end out into traffic before putting it in park. And then the cherry on top is he just leaves his door open. Not just cracked open. Like wide the fuck open. How angry do you have to be to forget to close your car door? And also why did he park a football field away if he wanted to confront the kid? And did the kid wait in the truck during the 30 seconds it must have taken that guy to walk over? Lots of good stuff here.
#8 – His Code of Honor
Say what you want about a 40 year old trying to fight someone half his age. The guy refuses to break the classic rule of “meet me outside.” Everybody knows you don’t hit a man with glasses, and you don’t throw the first swing until you have both consented to an outdoor fistfight. The kid’s window is down and they are red hot face-to-face but blondie wouldn’t dare lay a finger on him unless he exits the vehicle. Chivalry ain’t dead around here.
#7 – Realizing “Beat Your Dick” is a Poor Choice of Words
When the temper is running hot and you’re throwing shit at the wall trying to bait the kid to exit the vehicle, it’s easy to slip up. He knew the kid had him here. There was even that moment where he smirked and the entire situation almost deescalated. The balloon damn near goes pop, but instead, the guy looks to the heavens for a little help from the Big Man and oh boy does he deliver as you will find out in #3.
#6 – “See ‘Cause You Know You Lose”
I have absolutely zero idea what they are arguing about or what that kid did, but I know this: The kid just lost. When you’re beat, you’re beat, kid. There’s no coming back after you get buried by this line. Brilliant.
#5 – The Whip Around
Holy shit look at those hips. A speed turn that would have LSU’s DB coach offering a full ride. Is that Champ Bailey? Nope. That’s just the 40 year old redneck down the street after one of them neighbor kids got lippy with him. Also – this is tremendous timing by the kid to zoom in simultaneously as the guy whips back around.
#4 – The hair
I’ve featured several tools on this site now that seemingly think highly of themselves in the hair department. But this guy? He just legitimately has tremendous hair. I have no doubt he’s doing products. Real products. He’s not walking into the grocery store and grabbing the suave for men 2-in-1 ocean charge. This man is spending triple figures on his hair on a weekly basis.
Also the comments were flooded with people referring to this guy as someone named Sammy Hagar. Not sure who that is, but can confirm it’s a match.
#3 – “Hop Out”
Probably the most underrated part of the video in my mind. The closing remarks. I feel like this wouldn’t crack most peoples top ten. But I love it. Goddammit what a save. He knew he fucked up with that “beat your dick” stuff. But just when you thought he was speechless…when he seemed completely beaten – he gets back to brass tax. “You know why I’m here. You caught me off guard for a second, but my eye is still on the prize: Exit the vehicle promptly so I can assault you.”
#2 – The Smile
I’m considering making this guys smile my iphone background. That way I’ll laugh like 500 times a day. I refuse to believe that’s his regular every day smile. That has to be some special look he unlocks when his heart rate hits 180 bpm and he’s about to pummel somebody half his size.
#1 – “All Day Luh-hongh”
It’s only three words but he just communicated an entire novel. I feel like I have lived two different lives. One before I saw this video where I couldn’t grasp the concept of time, and one after this video where I have a full understanding of how long a shitty day can truly last. I think I’d rather spend an eternity burning in hell than have to put up with an asskicking from this guy ALL…DAY…LONNNGUUUH!
