How was your weekend, brothas? Mine was a pretty good weekend as well – thanks for asking. The game itself was no Michigan-PSU 4OT thriller, but my first experience at Camp Randall stadium lived up to the hype. The fact that somehow, someway, the Nittany Lions managed to sneak out of Madison with a thrilling victory was just icing on the cake.
Saturday’s experience reminded me that there is just no experience like a college football Saturday. The smell of food and stale beer. The cheers, boos, and eff yous. The guy with the massive beer belly wearing a jersey he purchased 20 years ago that looks like the front part of the jersey is going to explode at any second. The bands and fight songs. Trying to sneak ten airplane bottles into the game (successfully) because they don’t serve booze in the stadium. The ear piercing screaming, followed by dead silence as the ball is in the air, followed by contrasting pleas of “GO! GO! GO!” and “Kill him!” I am here for all of it.
That being said, I almost somehow forgot how hard it was to sip adult beverages for three straight days and barely sleep on a football weekend. I can’t help but picture myself going to see my primary care doc this Monday and him handing me an after visit summary with the following diagnoses on it:
- LARYNGITIS – trauma-induced from yelling at the referees. This is self-limiting in nature. Bust out the popsicles and hot tea with honey and should be better in no time.
- L PROXIMAL FIFTH METATARSAL SPRAIN VS FRACTURE – I’m 50/50 on whether to get an x-ray of this or not. I really don’t want it to be broken so might just wait it out. This one is 100% from jumping up and down and slamming both my feet against the bleachers after we won.
- R HIP STRAIN – either from passing out one night in a weird position or the bleacher slamming again.
- ALCOHOL WITHDRAWAL HEADACHE – pretty self-explanatory
- L FLANK PAIN, UNSPECIFIED – everyone stop what you’re doing and say a prayer this isn’t a kidney stone
Anyways, back to what you’re here for. The NFL jumps in on the fun this week making Week 2 our first “full” football weekend of the year. I probably said this last year but this has to be the most excited I have ever been for football season.
LAST WEEK’S PICKS
Louisiana Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns +8 (vs Texas)
LOSER
This one just stings. Not just because I was so wrong, but because I threw out the “free money alert” on it.
Maryland vs West Virginia UNDER 57.5
🚨 WINNER 🚨
This ended up being a little too close for comfort but a win’s a win. I’ve never been paid out by a sportsbook with a note that says “you lucky SOB!” (Honestly, don’t hate the idea of that though.) Mike Locksley is now 1-0 in the Battle of the Potomac.
Minnesota +14 (vs Ohio State)
PUSH
Full disclosure, I did tease this to +14.5 on my book so this was a W for me but a push for you which I guess you could say is bittersweet. Last week, I wrote: “The Golden Gophers (at home) are returning Mohamed Ibrahim who seems destined to run wild against an Ohio State defense ranked a pedestrian 59th in total defense last year” and “I can see this being a one score game going into the fourth quarter.” So somehow, despite getting all this correct, I still managed to not win you any money. No worries though, I promise I will make up for it this week.
Tennessee Over 48 Team Points (vs. Bowling Green)
LOSER
Anything stand out in this boxscore? Yes, an SEC team was shutout by Bowling Green in the second quarter. I think we can all agree that this is what I get for betting on Tennessee football in the 21st century.
Duke -6.5 (at Charlotte)
LOSER
Yeah the next time someone tries to tell me Duke coach David Cutcliffe is some kind of football genius, I will just refer back to this game.
Georgia +3.5 (vs Clemson)
🚨 WINNER 🚨
Try to ignore the fact that no offensive touchdowns were scored and focus on the fact that we were all over this one. The ‘Dogs win outright!
Week 1 – 1:1
- Ohio State (vs. Minnesota) -600 ✅
- Rutgers (vs. Temple) -700 ✅
- Michigan (vs. Western Michigan) -1000 ✅
- Alabama (vs. Miami FL) -1200 ✅
- USC (vs. San Jose State) -650 ✅
- Oregon (vs. Fresno State) -1600 ✅
- Cincinnati (vs. Miami OH) -2500 ✅
🚨 WINNER 🚨 (+103)
Too ea$y. I hit the first one of these last year and then lost quite a few in a row, so fasten your seatbelts because it’s about to be a bumpy ride.
Week 1 Long Shot Moneylines
UL Lafayette +260 (vs Texas)
LOSER
Ok 0-1 on the year.
Oregon State +225 (vs Purdue)
LOSER
Yeah 0-2 was not the start I was hoping for.
WEEK 2 PICKS:
This week’s winners:
Ball State +22.5 (vs. Penn State)
Let’s get this one of the way for obvious reasons. This game is literally the definition of a trap game.
A mid-major team sandwiched in between two monster matchups. Not to mention, next weekend’s game vs Auburn is the White Out game in primetime. Meanwhile, the Cardinals (who couldn’t care less about the Nittany Lions precious whiteout game) are coming off a 7-1 year and should not be taken lightly whatsoever. I would be 0% surprised to see this game tied at halftime. PSU winning by more than three TD’s would shock me.
*Editor’s Note: Prepare to be shocked buddy*
Rutgers -2.5 (vs Syracuse)
Greg Schiano is somehow making Rutgers relevant… again.
I’ll be the first to admit I knew next to nothing about Syracuse’s football team this year so I had to do some recon on the quarterback play. I was shocked to see Garrett Shrader now plays quarterback there and even more shocked to see that he is backing up some guy named Tommy Devito. And the fact that this Tommy character went a rather pedestrian 11/17 for 93 yards against Ohio last weekend isn’t very reassuring for Orange fans. I’ll take the Scarlet Knights (who hung 61 on Temple last weekend) to win by a field goal over Tommy and Co. seven days a week and twice on Sunday Saturday.
Wisconsin -25.5 (vs. Eastern Michigan)
I think this line is probably 10 points off. A (spiteful) Wisconsin realistically will run for 350+ yards against an Eastern Michigan D ranked 119th last year against the run. That paired with Wiscy’s D presumably holding Eastern Michigan to 10-14 points bodes well for Wiscy winning by 4-5 touchdowns (or more).
4. Michigan vs. Washington UNDER 49
This total has already dropped 2.5 points so hurry up and get in on this. This has a defensive slugfest written all over it.
5. Dolphins +3 (vs Patriots)
I do not feel good about any NFL game this weekend, but wanted to get one on the docket given things are kicking off this week. This one stands out to me the most given the Dolphins were an NFL best 11-5 ATS the spread last year.
6. Iowa +4.5 (vs Iowa State) [College Gameday Pick]
This game is a toss-up. I don’t care the game is in Ames. I don’t care the College Gameday crew is going to be there. I don’t care how high either team is currently ranked. I don’t care that they didn’t play last year so I have nothing to base it off. If you’re going to give me 4.5 points to work with on either side, I am going to take advantage of it.
Week 2 – 1:1 (+110)
- Utah -280 (vs BYU) / BYU last W vs Utah: 2009. Whittingham owns his alma mater.
- USC -1000 (vs Stanford) / Lock.
- Notre Dame -900 (vs Toledo) / Lock.
- Tampa Bay -380 (vs Dallas) / ONLY -380? I’ll take it.
Week 2 Long Shot Moneylines
Arkansas +210 (vs. Texas)
If anyone wants to bet against Texas with me all year long, feel free to join in on the fun.
Appalachian State +275 (vs Miami)
I see no reason the country folk can’t hang right along with them city boys.
Enjoy Week 2 degenerates! 😎