In honor of Selection Sunday it’s only fair that I slap the TOTW label on my least favorite human on earth, Jay Bil-ass.
Gonzaga got a GREAT draw. pic.twitter.com/SaAp49QeVN
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) March 14, 2021
Just look at the guy. Just listen to him. He is the epitome of self-importance. Where did this guy even come from? The dude looks like a Scooby Doo evil villain character!
“Hey do me a favor. Find me somebody that looks like a creepier version of Scott Van Pelt and then dress him up in a sportcoat that would be too large if you put it on Shaq.” -top executive at ESPN
I spend 11 months of the year not thinking about Jay Bilas, and then March rolls around and I end up seeing his mug up close and personal in a dumb video like the one above. Every March Madness is a friendly reminder for me that Jay Bilas still exists and he still sucks.
When I was a kid I used to claim that “I don’t hate anyone.” Evidently my parents taught me that rule and it musta stuck with me. But I’m not a kid anymore. So I feel quite comfortable saying that I fucking hate this guy. And I’m not alone. I found a few examples online of other people bitching about him (just a few):
Like I said, just a few examples.
Without breaking down each of those above complaints in full detail, my top 5 favorites are:
5. “Jay Bilas on ESPN is an idiot.” That guy did some serious due diligence on Jay’s idiotic VCU take. Imagine questioning if the selection committee knew the ball was round for selecting a team that would go on to make the Final Four.
4. Jay hitting the 7th percentile on his bracket. “If you picked all 1 seeds and then coin flipped the rest of the games, you would have done as well as jay bilas.” That made me lol.
3. “Jay Bilas sucks that is all.” Short, sweet, and to the point.
2. “It must be nice to know everything about everything like Jay Bilas does.” Such a perfect way to put Jay Bilas’ entire personality in a nutshell. Spot on.
1. “One of the biggest bitches in college basketball for sure.” Far and away the funniest take. Jay Bilas = Bitch of the Week.
While I was compiling all of those screenshots I came across possibly the dumbest COVID take in all of 2020. And thank god I did. I remember seeing this Jay Bilas quote at the beginning of the season, but here is the actual video for context:
More from Jay Bilas:
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) December 9, 2020
"There are a lot of questions that need to be asked, but we have not had that national conversation. And that's been a failure in leadership. It's the NCAA, one, but then it's also all the different conferences." pic.twitter.com/XEb2Bu83xV
If I ever find myself watching a Duke basketball game on ESPN while Jay Bilas announces it I’ll probably pass out in agony. Jay Bilas, Duke alum, questioning whether basketball should be played while Duke gets the living piss beat out of them by Illinois is the most 2020 thing of all time.
Also how absurdly stupid was that take?
“These players have essentially been essential workers.”
For context, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security defines essential workers as those who conduct a range of operations and services that are typically essential to continue critical infrastructure operations. The essential sectors are typically defined as things such as energy, defense, and agriculture.
If you are playing basketball for a college program, you are doing the following things:
- Voluntarily playing a game
- Going to school for free whether or not you choose to play those games. (you could actually argue they are volunteers being compensated whether they work or not)
So please tell me how the above two bullets fit into the essential workers definition.
“They get tested every day. They’re not allowed to go home for the Christmas Holiday.”
In what world is having the accessibility to a daily rapid COVID test a bad thing?
Also FYI the CDC would not recommend that you leave a college campus to head home and visit your middle-aged family. Aside from being selfish, that would require a quarantine in itself before you could actually see them. Then his next quote was “We are being advised by our government not to travel over the holidays.” So I guess he refuted his own argument?
“There are a lot questions that need to be asked, but we have not had that national conversation.”
The biggest indicator that someone has no idea what the hell they are talking about is that they will say shit like “we need to have a conversation about it.” It’s the most vague non-answer of all time. I’m sure you run into people at work that do this sort of thing all the time.
“Well let’s set up a meeting to talk about that.” Yeah or we could just nail it down right here and now dickhead. You’ve got the podium, now give me your brilliant solution!
Shockingly, Jay received some negative feedback in response to this commentary.
My biggest problem with the Jay Bilas anti-NCAA crusade has always been the fact that all he does is bitch and moan. He hates the very organization he gets paid to cover, yet he continues to cover it and probably knocks down $500k a year while doing so.
If the guy took a stand and said “I can no longer support this corrupt system and I quit ESPN.” Or better yet, “I will be donating 50% of my salary to the Jay Bilas fund which will pay guys like Jerry McNamara for their unrealized profits while they were in school.” If he did something like that I would have a much easier time not wiping my ass with his opinion. Right now he’s basically the sports version of Al Gore in the jumbo jet.
While I agree (and so does 99.99% of the world) that a person should be able to profit off of their own likeness, Jay Bilas takes it to a whole new level. If it were up to him, the backup right tackle on Troy’s football team would make $20k a semester in cash on top of his scholarship. I assume that Jay doesn’t even believe half of the shit he says and he just loves the twitter points that come with being the NCAA-hate guy.
My last point on this….if your response to every NCAA news story is “well the NCAA sucks” then you’re probably going to have a tough time gaining any traction. If the problem is so simple, then he should write up his clearly defined 10-step plan in creating a NIL payment system and share it for the world to see. Bad news for Jay – I’m guessing after we crunch the numbers on Troy’s backup RT that we’re going to find out he doesn’t earn the university any money. And I’ve never understood how we make the leap from Zion driving Duke jersey sales to “there’s enough money to pay the water polo team too.”
Jay’s stupid takes aren’t just limited to comparing Duke athletes to essential workers. Here he is insulting Coach Calipari’s daughter and a few randos after he shared a news article with a clickbait Coach Cal photo.
“Or, have someone read it to you.”
“And, you are an idiot.”
“I didn’t even notice the photo. Why? I read the article.”
I can practically smell the arrogance coming off those quotes. It makes me nauseous just reading them.
Hi Jay! We did read the article. It didn't mention our family, yet, the cover photo is of our dad front and center. I would love for you to start putting random people as the cover photos for all of your articles. @MeganteCalipari and I have some great headshots we can provide. https://t.co/UOytJdgaCK
— Dr.SicilianoCalipari (@TheErinCalipari) February 4, 2019
Hey @MeganteCalipari can I read this article to you? My PhD is in neuroscience not literature, but I think I know at least half the words.https://t.co/qD4DG7C1zn pic.twitter.com/qmdVcyj2O7
— Cody Siciliano (@CodySiciliano) February 4, 2019
That sports broadcaster headline and smug Bilas photo is absolute gold.
Moving along. How about this head-to-head between two all time dickheads, Jay Bilas and Jim Boeheim.
Jim Boeheim on Duke star freshman Jalen Johnson's decision to opt-out: "That guy was hurting them so they actually are much better now without him. He was just doing some things & keeping other people from playing that are good. They've had two monster wins since he's opted out."
— Mike Curtis (@MikeACurtis2) February 19, 2021
Thankfully Jay was locked and loaded with the racism card in response to Boeheim. Rule 101 of being a Duke homer when a kid inexplicably quits mid-season and you have to defend him: Accuse Jim Boeheim of attaching a racist connotation to a word he never even used in his quote.
Jalen Johnson does not have a “camp,” “people in his ear,” or a “posse.” He has a family. He has a mother and father helping him, with his best interests in mind, making decisions. We can differ with the decision, but the undertones of the criticism of Johnson are concerning. pic.twitter.com/icKqC9u0Cp
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) February 19, 2021
More on Jalen Johnson and the manner in which his decision has been presented and commented upon. We can, and should, do better. pic.twitter.com/tWOVFJRx2z
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) February 20, 2021
Jay and Jim can disagree about whether Duke is better without Jalen Johnson. That’s the Ewing Theory, right?
— Mike Waters (@MikeWatersSYR) February 20, 2021
But we need to do a better job of making it clear that Boeheim never used the coded language of posse and camp. https://t.co/yyXT81vhUw
So let’s get Boeheim’s rebuttal:
Boeheim with the most casual “I know more than he knows” of all time. That was almost as good as the time Ron Swanson got approached by a Lowe’s employee.
And speaking of undertones, can somebody explain to me how Jay Bilas is allowed to tweet this same thing 3 times and not face any backlash?
I'm from the ghetto, the bottom, the 'hood, the slums. There's money out here, we just trying to get us some. I gotta go to work.
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) January 28, 2020
I'm from the ghetto, the bottom, the 'hood, the slums. There's money out here, we just trying to get some. I gotta go to work.
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) March 4, 2020
I'm from the ghetto, the bottom, the 'hood, the slums. There's money out there, we just tryin' to get us some. I gotta go to work.
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) April 28, 2020
According to wikipedia, Jay Bilas grew up in some place called Rolling Hills Estates, California with a median household income of $150k. Sounds very ghetto!
One more idiotic take for good measure. Jay Bilas, self proclaimed expert legal analyst of all things NCAA, falls for a clickbait headline about a MSU sponsorship:
And, I will now be called “Jay Bilas Presented by You Gotta Be Effin’ Kidding Me.” https://t.co/TAbeZJhQ6O
— Jay Bilas (@JayBilas) March 12, 2021
Statement from Michigan State Athletics pic.twitter.com/S6zjSGZatv
— Spartan Athletics (@MSU_Athletics) March 12, 2021
In summary, Jay Bilas is a freaking TOOL to the nth degree. He is a tool and so much more. Let’s close with me coming up with a list adjectives that accurately describe Jay Bilas…
- tool
- asshole
- pompous
- arrogant
- egotistical
- snide
- snark
- smug
- insufferable
- douchebag
- know-it-all
- silver spoon
- unaware
- self-absorbed
- delusional
- hypocritical
- Duke guy
- condescending