Who woulda thought we’d see back-to-back golfers on TOTW?
I was tempted to let that video speak for itself and hit publish on this blog right then and there. How much more do we really need to discuss? Ok fine, I’ll go into way too much detail.
That mans name is Kyle Berkshire and that is the most tool video I’ve ever posted to this website. Interestingly enough, I found myself conflicted after watching it. I wanted to hate this video so so badly, but I found myself LOVING it.
- The mullet.
- The music. Who picked that and how did they get access to the Twisted Metal 2 soundtrack?
- I can’t believe I’m saying this, but screaming “GOOO” at the top of your lungs is somehow more hateable than screaming “Let’s Go!” Also is that a fan yelling that or is that himself?? Imagine Justin Thomas teeing off on #1 and then leaning forward and screaming into the wind telling the ball to go further.
- The swing. That’s what we like to call “swinging out of your mind.” Thought his shoes were going to come off for a second.
So what’s the deal here? I’ve never really looked into the long drive competition stuff, but I feel like I have a pretty good idea on who the athletes and audience of that sport would be. I’ll take Angry Softball Guy for $1000, Alex.
Sick Bud Light hat bro. Also sick Oakleys. Also SICK rope necklace. Oh and sick Under Armour batting gloves. Am I mistaken or do I recognize you from Sunday Night Baseball, sir? Did you spend some time with the Milwaukee Brewers before you moved to this town of 4,000 people and started beating your pregnant girlfriend?
Sidenote of sidenote – I have been lolin at this picture of Guy Fieri that came up when I went digging for “softball guy” photos.
I went back-n-forth in my head 7 times on whether that was Mike Piazza or Guy Fieri. Did somebody tell him exactly how to dress as a practical joke or does Guy Fieri mash softballs on his off-nights? Those Franklin batting gloves are STRAIGHT out of the package. I can practically feel how stiff those are from here.
So let’s get back to the long-drive guys. Like I said, I don’t know much. But I occasionally play golf with this one dude who has one of those weird illegal “Krank” drivers. And I know that those drivers are used by all of these long-drive tools because they are ridiculously long and they have a huge club face.
So what would be the useful application of getting really good at hitting balls far on a driving range? It’s weirdly similar to TOTW 2. Remember him? He’s the guy that got really good at flinging lacrosse balls while making a bunch of toddlers take videos of him.
So this week’s tool decided to master the craft of the driving range. Not at the game of golf, but just at hitting his driver.
Imagine being 30 years old and still practicing punt, pass and kick? Actually that’s not even a good example because this asshole is good at only 1 thing and PP&K requires 3 things.
Imagine being 30 years old and getting really good at hitting baseballs in a batting cage? (That’s a much better comparison.)
Maybe I’m just not getting it. Maybe I should be wildly impressed with this guy. Maybe I’m not giving enough credit to this long-drive sport. Let’s see what it’s all about.
Remember when I called that first video the “most tool thing I’ve ever posted to this website?” Yeah, can I go ahead and rescind that statement? Turns out it’s been superseded by a video called “2020 World Long Drive | Golf Channel.”
I was smiling from ear-to-ear for the entire time that video was rolling. I would have been laughing, but I didn’t want to open my mouth out of fear I would get carsick from all of that intense action. WOOSH WOOSH WHAP “WOAH!” “YEAHH!!”
MY KEY TAKEAWAYS 
That guy in the black shirt chest bumping our Tool (who clearly didn’t want to chest bump him back – and why would he if they are opponents??)
The guy in the beard wearing a gold polo AND gold pants.
Red shirt looks like he just walked out of the locker room after injecting some of that synthol stuff into his arms.
Little kid dab.
Professional beer drinker with the bat flip.
That super skinny girl who looks like she could work as a bank teller winning the girls division midway through the video and then getting robbed at the end (wtf was that BS!?)
Purple shirt snapping the club.
All leading up to….DUN DUN DUN….TOTW 36 WITH THE REDEMPTION CHEST BUMP!!!
Perhaps my most important takeaway from that incredible video is this – I can’t believe they all dress up in golf attire.
Seriously, I’m dying for someone to explain to me why these people all have golf polos and pink skirts on. They are swinging fake golf clubs at juiced golf balls and they are attempting to do it as fast as humanly possible. I think you guys will be OK if you want to throw on some athletic shorts for your meaningless competition.
So as for this Berkshire tool? Turns out he actually played college golf at North Texas for a year or two before quitting for the big leagues aka the World Long Drive Competition. After a year at school, supposedly his coach told him he should quit the golf team and focus on the long drive stuff (probably bc he wanted to use the scholarship on a kid that was willing to practice putting).
My research says he grew up playing golf in Maryland and despite my inability to find anything about him from that time, his dad apparently left an impression on the area.
I have zero idea what it means, but I feel like “whenever he gets an idea, his neighbors get nervous” is an ALL TIME insult quote. I think it’s safe to say that based on my unfair physical appearance judgments alone, the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.
But don’t let that college kid-“do you have any idea who my dad is?”-look fool you. This guy is a certified genius. And good news for us – he’s willing to share his secrets.
CRINGE. Cringe all the way around. That interviewer, that handshake, and that TOOL.
In summary – The nerd asked the tool how to train himself to swing faster and the tool’s response was:
A) Practice swinging as hard as you possibly can with no regard for accuracy because it will teach your body to learn speed (*this is contrary to everything I’ve ever heard ever when it comes to sports training / kinesiology)
and B) Get in the weight room and focus on squats, deads, and presses.
Just a brilliant take by the same guy who brought you this brilliant take:
Misconceptions about LD that must be eradicated in order for the sport to realize full potential (in descending order of importance)
— Kyle berkshire (@KyleBerkshire) August 29, 2018
1 “oh you just use juiced up drivers”
2.”Long pga hitters could beat u guys
3.”you guys are juiced up meatheads
4.”you guys can’t play golf well”
That list (in descending order of importance) is basically a list of everything that is wrong with the “sport.” And it’s not like he rebutted the points one-by-one. He just tossed that tweet out there and then followed up with nothing. If anything, all this tweet does is solidify bullets 1-4 in my mind.
Let’s take a quick look at the ‘gram.
This guy being a UCF frat star is probably the least surprising news of all time.
Very underrated-ly funny that his dumbass visor nearly falls off every time he swings. Sick flow tho.
This is why your sport is dumb. I can already picture the meatheads this guy plays a round of golf with. “WOW BRO YOU SMASHED THAT DRIVE. If you can just straighten it out then you’ll be on in two (so then you can 4-putt and bogey the hole).”
He’s friends with Bryson DeChambeau!? Welp, that’s it for me. That’s a good note to end on.
I couldn’t bring myself to watch that video but I did skim through and saw the part where the Berkshire Tool is flexing into the camera while Bryson is filming him. I’ve never hated anything more in my life.
PS – Him being friends with Bryson almost makes too much sense. Should have seen that coming from a mile away.
Never forget this absolutely beautiful sequence of events:
Dude. Putt already. @b_dechambeau pic.twitter.com/nf3WnQARiP
— Justin Rose (@JRoseWXYZ) August 10, 2019