Ea$y Money Six-Pack Presented by Trav: Week 4

Hot damn people, we are already into week 4 of picks. The football is heating up but the weather is cooling down and my god let this serve as your annual reminder that there is no greater season than fall. I notice I now spend all day Tuesday and Wednesday just thinking about getting to Thursday night so we can start the football “weekend” over again. (Someone queue the MACtion.)

After a piss poor performance on Saturday and an 0-2 start, we finished strong with a 3-1 Sunday with the only loss being the Titans unable to cover 2.5 points (in a win) yet again. As if I wasn’t feeling the heat enough after a sleepless Saturday night, I got a threatening text from the editor Sunday night that I was one game away from receiving a fade from him this week. I guess that means this week is put up or shut up time.

*Editor’s Note: Yeah it better be put up or shut up time. This .500 hit rate doesn’t do us any good. Either start losing or start winning so I can enact/dismiss a fade-on-sight. I’m tired of doing this ⬇️ every week after reading the T-Man’s plays…*

via GIPHY

WEEK 3 RECAP

1. 49ers -4.5 (vs. Giants) 💰WINNER💰

Final Score: 49ers 36 – Giants 9

Nick Mullens (B.D. Nick II) was nice enough to pay me back my $20 he owed me from 3 years ago. In all seriousness though, is this guy good or what? This MFer threw for 343 yards and 0 INTs with like 4 days of practice. I feel like I’m watching pre-dementia/pre-wang pic Brett Favre reincarnated with him rocking that #4 jersey.

2. Titans -2.5 (vs. Vikings) LOSER

Final Score: Titans 31 – Vikings 30

You could just see this one coming from a mile away as soon as I saw the score was 17-9 at the half. Lesson learned, always take the Titans moneyline.

3. Buccaneers -6 (vs. Broncos) 💰WINNER💰

Final Score: Bucaneers 28 – Broncos 10

Attention oddsmakers, the Broncos suck very bad. I seriously cannot wait to watch them play the Jets Thursday just because I think they actually somehow might suck more than the Jets. Granted they are missing half their starters to injury, but this team never had a chance from the start. Tampa actually covered this 5 minutes and 2 seconds into the game and never looked back.

4. West Virginia vs. Ok State OVER 51.5 LOSER

Final Score: Oklahoma State 27 – West Virginia 13

After 0 points in the first quarter and 27 points (with a mishandled snap on a short field goal) in the second quarter, I really didn’t know what to expect in the second half. The answer was to expect essentially nothing.

West Virginia’s offense consisted of six basic steps:
1. Sprinting to the line
2. Calling a play at the line
3. Audibling the play (Makes you wonder how shitty the play was prior to audibling)
4. Snap the ball with 3 seconds left on the play clock.
5. Handoff up the middle for no gain
6. Repeat

I watched 80% of this game and (minus the second quarter) I hated every second of it.

~~*Editor’s note: Love this pick. I think the mullet tries to pour it on this week after a lackluster showing in the last.*~~

*Editor’s Note: I hated this pick. Never would have taken it in a million years.*

5. Texas -17.5 (vs. Texas Tech) LOSER

Final Score: Texas 63 – Texas Tech 56

This game was electric, but rest assured Texas is not back, folks. I thought maybe I missed something and every single defensive starter for Texas was out with the ‘rona. Turns out it’s just that the old Rutgers coach Chris Ash is running the defense which made way more sense. The broadcast literally panned the camera to that poor bastard on the sideline like 50 times too just in case you forgot.

6. Bengals +5.5 (vs. Eagles) 💰WINNER💰

Final Score: Bengals 23 – Eagles 23

Shoutout to Matt Man keeping that undefeated guest pick streak alive (and for the monster parlay hit Monday night). I was sweating a bit picturing the Eagles scoring a TD in OT but luckily ~~David~~ Doug Pedersen had other ideas.

What was I right about:

3 TD’s from the 49ers is enough to cover against the Giants
Sam Ehlinger just seems destined to be a Heisman finalist and then throw for 150 yards and 4 INTs in a college football playoff game
Texas is not back
You can’t trust Pitt Buddy’s anti-Pitt bets

What was I wrong about:

Oklahoma State and WVU scoring 40 points in a half (barely did this in 4 quarters)
Gostkowski kicking woes
Army being jolly-arousing good

WEEK 4 WINNERS

We are onto week 4! Everyone please be considerate and tell your bookie ahead of time that they are going to need a little extra dough in their venmo account for payouts this week.

via GIPHY

1. Ravens -13 (vs. Redskins)

Ravens have to bounce back after Monday night… right? Law of averages tell us three quarters of their offense looking inept means three quarters of dominance against the Redskins (who are somehow tied for NFC East lead). Dwayne Haskins performed well this past week in regards to my prediction on my twitter burner account (with some Redskins fan) that he will lead the league in INTs this year.

2. Seahawks vs. Dolphins over 52.5

This game just has that feeling where one moment, someone is up big and then before you know it, the other team comes racing back to tie it late. I can already picture Fitzy and I celebrating together after his fourth TD pass. This opened at 55 and has continued to go down which seems odd. Miami is currently 25th in yards allowed and Seattle is 32nd. Can’t picture a scenario in my head where this isn’t a shootout.

3. OU -7 (vs. Iowa State)

Bounce back is the theme of the week evidently. What on God’s green earth happened to OU in the fourth quarter last Saturday? Let’s just pretend the fourth quarter never happened and seven points is just way too appealing to pass up against Brock Purdy and co. Also, if you haven’t seen it yet, stop what you are doing right now and watch Purdy’s pass last week against TCU. Coach Gumby Davis would have murdered me if I ever did something like that in a seventh grade football game, let alone a Division 1 football game.

but um pic.twitter.com/aaOKYWHC33
— Eric Edholm (@Eric_Edholm) September 26, 2020

4. Auburn +6.5 (vs. Georgia)

We didn’t learn much about either team in their week 1 games as they both looked rather lackluster – particularly in the first half. My gut tells me this game is a coinflip and someone giving me 6.5 points to work with is just too good to pass up. Also, am I the only one that noticed Gus Malzahn’s fresh get-up with the Auburn logo hat and dress shirt/tie combo? The man is either all business this year or he’s honoring an old Auburn coach that recently died (unfortunately, I just googled it and it’s the second one but we will pretend it’s the first.)

5. Miss State -17.5 (vs. Arkansas)

An old roommate of mine texted me about a possible Heisman future bet on KJ Costello prior to last week’s game but whatever I said evidently talked him out of it. 623 yards and 5 TDs later, I’m thinking he wishes he had that one back. My god can these boys put up some points and I don’t see the mad scientist taking his foot off the gas if this game is within a score or two in the fourth quarter.

6. 49ers -7 (vs. Eagles)

We are rolling with B.D. Nick II again this week! Week 4’s guest picker, my friend Eagles fan, has this hot take that was so good I have to write it up verbatim:

“Carson Wentz went from a league MVP to the only quarterback with a passer rating below 70 with a clean pocket and it’s truly inexplicable. I’m lost and in a dark place and instead of looking for an explanation we should make money off of it.”

Let’s just ignore the dark place thoughts for now and focus on the more important second part of that: let’s make some dough to counteract this man’s misery. I somehow ended up illegally becoming Eagles fan’s bookie, and I can tell you he went 3-0 with his picks last week. So, yeah, you’re going to want to ride this (miserable) man’s coattails.

via GIPHY

Long Shot Moneyline of the Week

via GIPHY

Something tells me giving Missouri 12.5 points based off playing Alabama week 1 just isn’t realistic. I actually laughed out loud when I saw Tennessee is ranked #15 currently. Does anyone else have an unexplained hatred for Tennessee football? Their coach looks like a pushover dad with a nagging wife (spot on, just googled her) and the quarterback looks like someone who would say Tik Tok is awesome. That being said, I stopped at a gas station in Columbia, Missouri once and calling it a “freak show” would be putting it nicely. I’m just happy I made it out alive so I could continue to gamble away my life savings. We’ll take the freaks over the pushovers this week for our long shot moneyline of the week.

Hope you all are as excited for Week 4 as me. I already gave the significant other the heads up that an active shooter in the neighborhood, our apartment catching on fire, nor appendicitis will be important enough for me to miss a second of football this weekend. Someone break out the red bulls and piss jugs because I’m gluing myself to the couch.